Heart's Desire Read online

  “What?”

  “You’re a tough nut to crack, Jessie Hart.” He smiled, and this one went all the way to his eyes. They glimmered with humor, deep green with golden flecks. “One minute, you’re gentle and coaxing with the horses, and the next you’re ready to do battle with me. No matter how hard I try to figure you out, you keep surprising me.” He ran his fingers over the top of the table. “I get the feeling there aren’t many people who know the real you.”

  Jessie leaned back in her chair and quirked a resentful brow at him. “You should know better than anyone.”

  His smile fell, and she silently congratulated herself for a target hit. “Do you really want to do this now?”

  She shrugged and forced herself to appear as unperturbed as possible. “Well, if I wait, you might disappear again.”

  Nathan sighed. “I apologized for that, Jessie. I was a kid.”

  Bitter laughter burst past her lips. “You were twenty-two, the same age Bailey is now. She would never use someone the way you did.”

  He clenched his jaw tightly, and she saw the muscle in his temple jump. “I didn’t use you.” At her dubious look, he hurried on. “I can see how it looked that way, but that was never my intention.”

  Jessie shook her head at him and folded her hands over the tabletop. “Maybe you could explain to me how sleeping with me, then leaving with some bullshit promise to call, wasn’t using me. Because in my book that makes you a—”

  His usual stoic mask slipped. “I planned to call.”

  It wasn’t the explanation she’d waited years to hear. He hadn’t even tried to feed her some lame excuse. Apparently, she wasn’t even worth that. “For what, another romp in the hay?”

  “Why didn’t you ever tell anyone about us?”

  She laughed quietly. “Did you really want me to? Do you have any clue what my father and brother would have done if they’d found out the man I lo—” She paused realizing how much she’d almost admitted to him. She would never tell him that he’d been her first—first lover, and first broken heart. “They’d have killed you.”

  “I’m just surprised.” His voice was somber but repentant. “Most women would have jumped at the chance to get revenge for what I did. I guess I was expecting . . . ” Nathan paused searching for the safest thing to say and shrugged. “Something different.”

  His voice and his eyes promised sincerity, but she felt torn. She wanted to believe him but he’d lied to her with a straight face before, and her faith had proved painfully misplaced. “Yeah? Well, it would have had to mean something.” She rolled her eyes and looked around the room, unable to meet his gaze, knowing that he’d be able to read the lie in her eyes.

  She felt his gaze caressing her. “Then why the hostility?”

  She glared at him. “Gee, Nathan, I wonder. My parents died six months ago, leaving me a ranch to run by myself. My brother and younger sister have both had to loan me money, and I still can’t make ends meet. Now, I’ve got the one man in the world I least wanted to ever see again snooping into my finances.”

  “Wow,” he said, tilting his head to the side. “Least wanted, huh?”

  “Well, after your half-hearted apology? Can we just get this finished so I can head home?”

  “That’s right, you’re all business, aren’t you, Jessie? Fine, then. Tell me about the history of the ranch.”

  She dragged her thoughts back to the present. “I’m not sure what I can tell you that Justin couldn’t have.”

  “Humor me.”

  “The ranch has been in my family for years, long before my father was born, but my parents decided to turn what used to be a cattle ranch into a dude ranch. They were good at it, and it became a retreat for people who wanted to experience a bit of the “Old West” in their backyard. You’ve seen most of the renovations they made other than the addition to The Ridge.”

  “Just enough amenities to make it comfortable but still feel like you’re roughing it,” he agreed.

  “We aren’t one of those ‘glamping’ places, if that’s what you’re getting at.”

  His lips curved into a lopsided grin and her heart fluttered. Warmth flooded her belly and sank lower. She dug her nails into her palms again. Get a grip, Jess.

  “I wasn’t trying to insinuate that.”

  She lifted one shoulder absently in a whatever gesture, refusing to meet his gaze, but relaxing her hands enough to run her fingernail along the edge of the table.

  “Have you always wanted to work with abused horses or was that something you started doing afterward?” He leaned back in his chair, hooking his elbow over the high back of the stool.

  “It’s something I’ve always wanted to do, but I needed to help Dad. I don’t know if you remember, but Mom took care of the books, and Dad usually ran the day-to-day operations.”

  “What about the cattle?”

  Jessie looked up as a waitress brought their pitcher of beer and frosted mugs, promising to return shortly with their pizza. She poured herself a frothy brew. “We don’t have many left. Just what we used for the small cattle drives we did at the end of summer and a few Corriente to teach people how to rope. Dad and I both took care of those.”

  “Did you ever help your mom with the books?”

  “No.” She gave him a self-deprecating laugh. “Numbers have never been my thing. I hated every second of math in school, and Dad wasn’t much better, so Mom kept track of everything. She and Dad went into town to meet with Brendon once a month and then again quarterly to take care of taxes.”

  “So you’ve always been hands-off when it came to the finances?”

  This was starting to feel more like an interrogation than information gathering. “Basically.”

  Nathan poured himself another beer. He seemed completely relaxed, as if nothing she said could ruffle him. He was completely overdressed in his slacks and polo shirt, but it didn’t seem to make him the slightest bit uncomfortable. It was maddening how at ease he was in his own skin. She envied him that ability.

  “What about now?”

  “What do you mean?”

  “How much do you know about bookkeeping? How much of it would you even feel comfortable doing? I mean, it sounds like this was a three-man operation before, and now you’re trying to hold it all together on your own. Or are you planning on hiring someone else to do it?”

  He took a sip from his mug, and she felt her gut twist as she realized where the conversation was heading. It was beginning to sound like he and Justin had already been making plans for the ranch without consulting her. That must have been what they’d been discussing earlier on the porch. Anger began to burn her chest.

  “From what your brother said, you’ve been forced to let all the ranch hands go. How are you going to be able to do this alone?”

  “Honestly, I’m pretty hopeless at doing more than filing receipts in the correct category every month for Brendon. I planned on letting him take care of the books for me, like he’s been doing. As far as the rest, how I’m going to do it is none of your damn—”

  The waitress interrupted their conversation and slid the pizza onto the table, placing a plate in front of each of them.

  “So, what are your plans now?”

  She blinked, trying to follow the sudden turn of conversation. This man could change direction on a dime and give her change. She was having trouble keeping up. She would have liked to blame it on the alcohol, but one beer wouldn’t explain her sudden inability to breathe. “I’m not sure. I thought that’s why you were here. To figure out the best option for the ranch?”

  “Justin said you haven’t taken in any guests since the funeral. Why not?”

  Jessie felt blindsided as he jumped to the subject of her parents’ death and wanted to stem his barrage of questions. “I just . . . I haven’t. I don’t know why.”

  He took a bite of the pizza and toppings slid off the slice, falling onto his plate with a plop. “Shit, that’s hot!” He chewed tentatively, trying to swal
low the pizza burning the inside of his mouth.

  “I’d call that karma,” she said, as she cut into her pizza with a fork, using the opportunity to think about his question.

  It wasn’t like there hadn’t been people calling to book reservations but, even if she’d had the manpower—which she didn’t—she wasn’t sure she wanted guests without her parents there. It had been something they’d done as a family. Without her mom and dad heading up the events and arrivals, it would feel wrong, like she was nothing more than a poor substitute. They were the ones who had enjoyed having guests, not her.

  “Are you afraid to fail?”

  She looked up from her plate. Of the many things in life that scared her, failure wasn’t one of them. She and failure were old friends. They went together like peanut butter and jelly. No, failing was something she did on a regular basis and, unfortunately, she was good at it.

  “No, that’s not it. I . . . ” She realized she might as well admit the truth to him now. She was going to need him on her side in order to convince her brother. Jessie shrugged, giving in to what she knew deep down was the truth. “I don’t want to run a dude ranch. I never did.”

  The pizza lay forgotten on his plate. “No?”

  “A resort was Mom and Dad’s dream. Not mine. I just want to work with horses. It’s what I’m good at—it’s the only thing I’m good at.” The words fell from her lips before she could stop them.

  He picked up the slice again, his eyes clouding briefly. “I highly doubt that. But what I saw this morning was incredible. Why not turn the ranch into a training facility?”

  “Because it’s not set up for training. I’d need bigger barns and more round pens. Plus what would I do with the cabins? The entire ranch is set up for guests, their comfort and desires.”

  “What about your desires, Jess?”

  The sincerity she heard in his voice and could see in his eyes helped her overlook the fact that he’d called her by her nickname again. Her stomach did another nervous flip, but this time, it had nothing to do with feeling anxious. A warm shiver of longing traveled up her spine and down her arms as she stared at his mouth. She knew exactly what she desired.

  “What do you want? If you could have anything, do anything with the ranch, what would it be?”

  She felt tears well in the back of her eyes and closed them to the burn. She wasn’t sure how to answer him, because if she told him the truth, and he laughed at her, or worse, shot her down immediately, she’d be back to square one—forced to maintain Heart Fire as a dude ranch, pandering to visitors who couldn’t care less that the horses they rode had been rescued from near-death.

  Chapter Eight

  NATHAN SAW THE change in Jessie almost instantly. She tucked a loose curl behind her ear and tipped her head to the side, contemplative. She looked so vulnerable. It was a glimpse at the young woman he’d loved and, like an idiot, left behind. Jessie rolled her lips inward, her tongue sneaking out to moisten them. He almost groaned aloud at the small gesture.

  Her eyes shuttered and she shrugged, quickly withdrawing into her shell again. “I really don’t know. I’ve never thought about it.”

  “Liar,” he said quietly, letting the lopsided grin slide to his lips again. Their eyes met, and she returned the smile tentatively. He immediately felt desire sink its teeth into him. He sat back, shifting in his chair, cursing his body’s reaction to her. She’d made it clear she thought he was an ass. He needed to focus on the job Justin had brought him here to do, instead of fantasizing about what could never be. He forced himself to focus on the conversation. “This could be the chance to reinvent yourself and the ranch, if you want to.”

  She looked away, staring at the pool table across the room for a moment. “How would I even do that? You know how Justin feels about the ranch. I’m sure he’s already told you his ideas about how it should be run.” Her voice was quiet, hesitant, and he wondered if it was fear he heard.

  Nathan didn’t deny that he and Justin had discussed the matter. But this wasn’t about what Justin wanted. He was here to find out what she wanted.

  “Maybe you should start by deciding what it is you don’t want.” She turned those beautiful blue eyes back on him. “Take in a couple of guests this weekend, just enough to get your feet wet again, and see how you feel afterward. Figure out what you don’t like about the dude ranch, and we can work it out from there. Maybe it’s something as simple as hiring some help so you have more time to do what you love.”

  “I canceled all of our bookings.”

  “Bailey took a message today from a small church group down by Bakersfield, eight kids and four counselors. Their original camp was closed due to a wildfire, and they need another location on short notice.”

  Jessie looked panicked at the suggestion. “I don’t have enough people to cover that kind of group.”

  “Can you call some of your old workers back?” In spite of the fear he could see in her eyes, he could also see the wheels turning as she ran through scenarios in her head. “I’ll be here to help however I’m able. I’ll push my flight back a couple of days if necessary.”

  “I might do better trying it alone,” she said, but he didn’t miss the humor that tugged at her lips.

  It was nice to see, even if it was at the expense of his ego. “Thanks a lot. For your information, I can cook a mean omelet. And I can fix a fence now.” She smiled and looked down at her slice of pizza, picking at the cheese but not eating, looking suddenly introspective and serious. “What’s going on in that head of yours, Jess?”

  The unshakable confidence he’d seen from the moment he stepped on the ranch slipped, and Nathan wondered if she was growing tired of her tough, independent act, as much as she wanted everyone to believe it was real. She barely looked up at him from under her long lashes. “I’m not sure I can do this. I mean, it was one thing to do it with Mom and Dad, but I don’t think I can do it alone.”

  Worry clouded her eyes, even if she was doing her best to hide it. He covered her hand with his. “Hey, you aren’t alone. You have your brother, your sister, and your cousin.”

  Her hand in his was warm and softer than he’d expected. Without thinking about why he did it, his thumb traced the pulse at her wrist. The tremor of heat that traveled up his arm wasn’t surprising, but it wasn’t exactly welcome. He needed to keep this professional if he was going to regain her trust, but he was having a difficult time keeping his body from remembering the heat of her silken skin against his, or the way she smelled—sweet like sunshine and honey with just enough spice to make it exciting.

  “I promise, I will stick around and help out.”

  Jessie jerked her hand back as if his touch burned. Nathan couldn’t believe he’d said something so stupid. He’d just reminded her of the fact that he hadn’t followed through on his promise years ago. Why should she trust him?

  She took a deep breath, squaring her shoulders before slipping back into her take-no-prisoners persona. “I guess I could call my friend Jennifer to see if a couple of her guys might be able to come for the weekend. At least I could make some informed decisions that way.”

  He tried to ignore the disappointment he felt course through him as she withdrew behind her armor again. But he’d seen a chink in it—maybe he could draw her out again.

  “Since we’ve settled the main issue at hand, how’d you like to show a city boy around? Justin always said I’d missed out by growing up in the city, and I was always too busy to see much of the town when I was here before.” He let the innuendo hang in the air, allowing her to remember what had kept him too busy to go out with Justin—late nights of stolen kisses in the barn, or that last night she’d claimed to be too sick to go to the trail ride and campfire.

  “What?” She looked confused and, if he was honest, adorably surprised by his request.

  “I’m sure the town has changed quite a bit. So, what do you do for fun, Jessie?” She eyed him as if he’d just asked her to walk through town naked, and h
e couldn’t help but grin at her wariness. “You do have fun, right?”

  Jessie recovered and leaned back in her chair with a mocking grin as her eyes scanned his slacks and polo shirt. “I doubt you and I have the same ideas about what constitutes ‘fun.’ ”

  “Enlighten me.” He leaned back and crossed his arms over his chest. Obviously, she’d already formed her impression of the man he’d become. “Broaden my deprived horizons.”

  She narrowed her eyes at him speculatively. “You? Deprived? We both know you always get what you want.”

  He knew he was putting his life into her hands, and he wondered if he wasn’t a fool for trusting her. She obviously wasn’t going to forgive him for the past, but he hoped this gesture of good faith would help her realize he could be trusted this time. Especially since he had no intention of doing anything either of them was going to regret. A smile tugged at the corners of her full lips. Damn, this woman had a pretty mouth, made for long nights of kissing. When she smiled, he could almost imagine what it would be like to take that bottom lip between his again and . . . He quickly halted the direction of his wayward imagination.

  Their relationship had been a mistake before. He was only here for a week. Last time he’d been able to resist her almost three months before giving in. Surely a week wouldn’t be too hard, especially with the way she hated him now. The only problem was now he knew exactly what heaven he was missing.

  She gave a short laugh and dread crept into his chest at the slightly wicked sound. “It’s still too early to go cow tipping or frog gigging.” Her eyes slid over his shirt and slacks. “And you’re a little over dressed for mud bogging.”

  He cleared his throat and shifted in his chair nervously. “Frog what?”

  She laughed out loud, looking far too sadistic for his liking. “Frog gigging. Hunting for frogs. To cook. What’s the matter, City Boy? Don’t tell me those fancy restaurants in New York have never served you frog’s legs?”