Once a Heartbreaker Read online

  Ty chuckled quietly, his voice low and seductive when he finally replied, “Well, that's just a crying shame.”

  Her heart stopped beating altogether and she nearly dropped the pitcher. Lust slammed into her, heating areas of her body she'd long forgotten could feel that way. Rayne wanted to order him to stop, to remain angry at him, but with her pulse thrumming through her veins and yearning coiling low in her belly, she was having a hard enough time just remembering to breathe.

  His hands found her waist, his fingers curving to lie against her hips, leaning ever-so-slightly into her side as his breath fell on her neck. “I seem to recall that you like a little bite.” Ty raised his hand, letting a finger graze over the curve of her neck, his thumb brushing the hollow below her ear. “Right here.”

  Every ounce of desire she'd ignored over the past twelve years ignited. She thought the flame had died, burned itself out after his rejection, but the ferocity of it engulfed her now. She wanted him. She'd never stopped loving him, in spite of what he'd done. Time had moved them both forward into futures they hadn't planned for, had pushed them in different directions, but now it had brought them back together, and she couldn't deny the truth any longer. Her heart belonged to Ty, it always had. It always would.

  And she could never let him find out.

  CHAPTER SEVEN

  Ty felt the change in Rayne almost immediately. He'd expected to feel the muscles of her shoulders bunch up in defiant resistance. Instead, she melted into his touch, surprising him when she sighed softly before dropping her head forward with a sad little laugh. “We had some good times, didn't we?”

  He wasn't sure how to answer her, afraid that the wrong answer might make her retreat, so he chose to remain silent.

  She turned to face him and he could easily read the remorse in her eyes. “But things worked out for the best, right?”

  “Are you sure about that?”

  A shadow flitted over her face and she looked away. “I think so.” She ducked away from him as the buzzer sounded on the oven. Clicking it off, she pulled hot pads from the drawer and removed the casserole dish. “If you hadn't...if we'd stayed together,” she corrected, “I'd have followed you on the circuit instead of going to school. I have a good life now. A great one.”

  “I'm glad.”

  And he was, but her words pierced his heart. He'd willingly sacrificed his future with her and walked away, knowing that this was what he'd wanted to happen for her. Her success, her happiness, the future she'd not just wanted, but needed. But down deep, he'd always hoped she'd been waiting for him, that they might find their way back together.

  “You have a better life, too. The last thing you needed was some love-struck eighteen-year-old following you around on the circuit, cramping your style.” She had her back to him so he couldn't read her expression, but he knew her well enough to know she was trying to convince them both of a lie. Her voice was strained, too tight, as if it hurt to say the words.

  “I mean, we'd have probably fought non-stop and ended up divorced before the honeymoon ended. We've always butted heads.” She carried two plates back to the table, and he jumped up to pull her chair out as she slid one in front of him. “Thanks.”

  Ty didn't miss the sadness that flashed in her eyes, as if she was trying to force herself to believe the bullshit she was spitting out. He refused to believe her for a second. They'd always had a passionate relationship and, sure, they fought just as passionately, but the making up had been more than worth it. And they were friends. Good friends. At least, they had been. He'd have trusted her with his life, and would have given his own up for her.

  Running his hands over her shoulders, Ty moved to his own chair. “I'm not sure I agree. We were good together, Rayne. In every way.” Longing for what he'd given up swelled in his chest. “But, you’re right. You wouldn't have gone to school, and the world would have missed out on a great vet.”

  She pinned him with a dubious look from across the table. “I wouldn't go so far as to say a great vet.”

  “How about, above average?” He stabbed his fork into the steaming casserole and gave her a lopsided smirk. “Not mediocre?”

  A grin spread across her lips, lighting her eyes. “Jerk,” she responded, playfully, taking a bite of her food.

  This was what he’d missed—their playful banter, the teasing, and her laughter—but he wasn't sure how to make this moment last. Every conversation seemed to bring them back to the pain of the past. He had to find some topic, anything, that would leave them on neutral ground. He took a bite and the amazing flavors of the casserole nearly overwhelmed his senses. He closed his eyes, savoring the spicy melody of shredded chicken and chilies.

  “Oh my God, this is good.”

  Rayne laughed and his gaze met hers. “I probably should have warned you. Once you taste Maria's cooking, other food will seem bland.”

  “It's like—”

  “An orgasm in your mouth?”

  His gaze crashed into hers, his mind reliving every night they'd ever spent together, every sigh at his touch, every time he'd ever lifted her to the heights of ecstasy with him. Her eyes widened slightly as she realized what she'd just said, and to whom. He couldn't help the way the corner of his mouth tipped upward.

  “I wouldn't say it's quite that good.”

  Ty could see the indecision in her eyes. This conversation was on the cusp of starting another fight, another reminder of regrets and mistakes, or she could let it pass and they might find their way back to that neutral ground he sought. The apprehension passed quickly as she returned his smile with one of her own.

  “I guess that depends on your perspective.”

  He couldn't help the laughter that burst out. “Damn,” he said, drawing out the word. “I see time has only sharpened your wit, even if it is at the expense of my ego.”

  “Your ego always was too big for your own good anyway.” Her blue eyes twinkled merrily at her own joke. “Besides, I'm sure it would take more than that to make you question your manhood.”

  He shrugged. “I don't know. The male ego is a pretty fragile thing. Now that you've crushed mine, I think you should make it up to me.” He took another bite of his food, chewing slowly, waiting for her response.

  “How do you propose I do that?” Suspicion reflected in her eyes.

  “Hmm,” he mused, rubbing his thumb and forefinger against his chin. “I have a few ideas and they start with dessert.”

  “I don't think Maria left dessert,” she pointed out.

  “Are you seriously trying to tell me that John doesn't have ice cream stashed away in that freezer? He always has sundae fixings.”

  She gave him a sad smile. “Yeah, he probably does.” She sniffed and he cursed himself for reminding her of John's condition. She quickly swallowed her emotion, squaring her shoulders on a sigh. “I'll make you a deal. You do the dishes, and you can stay for dessert.”

  “Not the dishes,” he grumbled.

  He'd be willing to do a million dishes for the chance to spend time with her, but she didn’t need to know that. Ty rolled his eyes.

  “Fine, I'll do them, but there’d better be whipped cream too.”

  “I'll see what I can do.”

  As much as she hated admitting it, she'd enjoyed the past few hours with Ty. They'd laughed together as she told him about antics some of the boys had recently tried to pull over on John, which led to recollections of their own mischief at the same age and how John had dealt with them. She couldn't help but smile as she watched him rinsing the dishes, deliberately pointing out spots he might have missed just to antagonize him.

  Ty finished loading the dishwasher and closed it, swiping the washcloth over the tile counter before wiping his hands. “Done.” He edged closer to where she sat at the kitchen table. “So, where's dessert?”

  “Let me make sure everyone is settled in for the night, then you can have your ice cream, cowboy.”

  “I'll come with you.”

  “
No,” she said, quickly.

  The last thing she needed was for the boys and their counselors to start asking questions about Ty and find out who he was. She'd never get Ty to leave if they got him to start regaling rodeo tales. And, regardless of the way her heart was racing right now, she did want him to leave.

  “I just need to check in with the counselors staying in the bunkhouses. I'll be right back.”

  She hurried out the back door, leaving him to stare after her. She knew he was, because she could almost feel the caress of his gaze. Rayne used the distance as an opportunity to try to control the yearning that swirled through her, swelling like waves on the beach, smoothing away the edges of her anger over the past. He'd cast her aside like a worn rag when he left. She couldn't let herself forget that. But over dinner, it had been so easy to slip back into the friendship they'd once shared, to find herself reminded of why she'd loved him, to feel herself wanting to fall for him again.

  Get a grip, woman!

  But her heart didn't want to listen to her head. She'd cared for her ex-husband, respected him, but no one had ever taken Ty’s place.

  She jogged up the steps to the first bunkhouse, waiting for James to answer her knock. “Hey, Rayne. Maria said you were staying tonight.”

  “Yeah, just helping her out.”

  He smiled and waggled his brows. “Who's the cowboy?”

  Rayne sighed. She'd really hoped that no one would notice Ty's presence. “Just one of the guys who used to live here, back in town for a while and wanted to stop by and see the changes John’s made.”

  “That's nice of him to come by.” He grew serious. “Did you tell him?”

  “Yeah, we've actually already been to see John.”

  “Well, rest assured, we are all in for the night. I'm taking these guys over to the south pasture to mend some fences tomorrow bright and early, so I'm trying to get them to settle in now.”

  “Good luck with that.” She chuckled.

  “Yeah,” he agreed. “It's a good thing John doesn't allow electronics or I'd never get them quieted down.” As if on cue, she heard several of the boys in the background and saw a blur as one ran past the open doorway with nothing more than a towel around his hips, screaming for someone else to return with his clothes.

  “I'd better let you go take care of that. I'll be up at the house if you need me.”

  James nodded and hurried after the boys. After checking in with the other counselor, she headed back to the main house, dragging her feet, but unsure whether it was because she didn't want to be near Ty, or because she was afraid she did. Approaching the front porch, she could hear the soft strains of country music coming from inside. Most of the lights had been extinguished, except for the one in the kitchen at the back of the house, and she could see Ty rise from the porch swing John had installed long before their time on the ranch. He held out a bowl of ice cream piled high with whipped cream, sprinkled with chopped nuts and topped with a cherry seated high at the peak of the cream.

  “Your sundae, m'lady.” He held the treat out to her.

  “What if I didn't want one?”

  Ty blew a laugh through his lips. “Pshh, like you'd ever turn down a chocolate sundae.”

  She dropped onto the swing, scooting as far from him as she could in the limited space, and smiled slightly. He wasn't wrong. Ice cream was one of her downfalls, and chocolate just made the falling even easier. Ty settled himself, eyeing her discomfort with humor, but refrained from comment, digging into his own dessert.

  Rayne poked at hers with the spoon, her stomach churning at the realization that she still had strong feelings for this man, regardless of the pain he'd caused her. She must be a glutton for punishment.

  “What, Rayne?” he asked, setting his bowl aside.

  “What, what?” she repeated, dumbly.

  “I can see the wheels turning in that beautiful head of yours, so ask whatever it is that's making you frown.”

  She shook her head. “It's just...this is strange. Being here again with you, having dinner with you.”

  “Being friends again?”

  “I guess. I mean, I've spent the last twelve years trying to forget you ever existed, and then you just show up—”

  “Were you able to?”

  “To what?”

  “Forget I existed?”

  Rayne's heart caught in her throat when she realized what she'd revealed. She'd just informed him that she'd thought of him over the years. Often. She’d practically admitted that she'd never gotten over him.

  So? You haven't.

  She wanted to argue with herself, to insist that she had, but she'd be lying to herself and she knew it. And she had a feeling he already knew it as well.

  “No,” she whispered.

  Ty slipped the bowl from her hands and set hers aside as well. Reaching for her hand, he pulled her to her feet. Before she realized what he was doing, he'd wrapped one arm around her lower back and tucked her hand between them, against his chest.

  “What are you doing?” She was afraid to speak, afraid to destroy the spell he was casting over this moment in time.

  CHAPTER EIGHT

  “Shh, just for a minute, Rayne.” Ty pressed his lips against her forehead as they swayed in time with the music floating from inside the house, the feel of her soft curves in his arms heavenly. The crickets and the bullfrogs joined in to create a country symphony to serenade them. “Stop thinking.”

  Instead of letting it relax her, he could feel the tension settle in her shoulders, stiffening her spine under his hand. He looked up where the sky melted from a dark pink along the horizon to a deep blue above. The first stars of the evening twinkled down at them.

  “Look.” He pointed at one of them. “Remember when you used to make me wish on the first star of the evening?” She nodded, but refused to look at him, so he tucked a finger below her chin, tipping her face upward toward his. “You know what I used to wish for?”

  She drew her lower lip between her teeth, as if trying to keep herself from asking. He could see her hesitation, but he also knew this was likely his last chance to get through to her, to prove to her that he'd never meant to hurt her. If he messed this up, there would never be another. Ty took a deep breath, gathering his courage and pressed forward, into the complete truth he'd denied her for twelve years.

  “I used to wish for you, Rayne. That I could make you happy, that I could give you all the things you wanted and the life you dreamed about.” His fingertips brushed back a strand of hair that a soft breeze blew across her forehead. “But I knew I couldn't. That it was nothing more than wishes.”

  Her eyes misted with unshed tears, but he couldn't stop now. He'd waited so long for her; he had to finish telling her everything. “I couldn't give you everything you deserved, and I knew that you'd stay with me, even if it meant giving up every one of your wishes. I loved you too much to let you do that.”

  “Ty, I would have gone to school, eventually,” she whispered. Her voice broke and a single tear slid down her perfect cheek. At some point, the moon had bloomed brightly overhead as the night shrouded them. They'd stopped swaying, and she clung to him.

  “No, baby, you wouldn't have.” He cupped her cheek in his palm, brushing the tear away with the pad of his thumb. “You'd have sacrificed your dream to help me follow mine. I couldn't let that happen.”

  “But that night, in the hospital...”

  He could hear the agony in her voice. She'd trusted him since she was fourteen years old. When everyone else in her life denied her love, he'd promised her his. But when it really came down to it, he pushed her away, just like everyone else had.

  “After they rushed me to the hospital, when that damned bronc broke my leg, the doctor came in and told me how lucky I was. Even with a couple busted ribs and a broken femur, I was lucky because I had someone who loved me enough to stay by my side no matter what. You slept in that waiting room, curled up in that damn chair, for six hours before they let me out. That�
��s when I realized it was exactly what you would always do. You would always wait for me, Rayne, at the cost of your own dreams. You wanted to be a veterinarian. It was all you'd ever wanted, and that scholarship was your ticket out of Saddle Creek, away from your father. It was your only chance, and you were going to give it up to follow me in some run-down truck and dirty trailer. I couldn't let you do that. So, when you came in, I told you I didn't love you, that I never had. The things I said…” He closed his eyes and shook his head, the memory of her tears ripping his heart out. “I should never have said those things.”

  She ducked her face, pressing her forehead into his chest and Ty circled his arms around her, smoothing his hand over the back of her head. “Baby, I lied, but I did it to protect you.”

  She looked up at him again, her blue eyes filled with heartbreak. For what he'd done. For the time they'd spent apart. For what they'd lost. “I loved you, Ty. I wanted to stay with you, to be your wife. I thought that was what you wanted, too.”

  “Rayne, that is still what I want. That's all I've ever wanted.”

  Rayne took a step backward, unable to believe she was hearing Ty correctly.

  “I didn't just come back here just to start a horse ranch. I came back hoping to find you. I had to know that you were happy. I knew you’d stay in touch with John and he could help me find you.”

  “And if I'd still been married?”

  Ty shrugged and tucked his hands into the front pockets of his jeans, looking lost and alone, and so much like the young man he'd been when he first arrived at the ranch, when she'd first met him. “Then I deserved to suffer in silence, knowing you were happy with someone else. I pushed away the best thing in my life that night, the only thing that ever made me feel whole.”

  She let his words sink in, trying to comprehend everything he was confessing. He'd lied to her because he thought it was for her own good? He'd been willing to stay and watch her happy with someone else as a penance?