Wild at Heart (Healing Harts) Read online

  Chase could feel the adrenaline coursing through his veins the way it did every time he thought about that night. He would have to be careful or he’d be back there completely, lost in the memories, transcended back in time to his worst nightmare. He forced himself to concentrate on the woman in his arms.

  “It all happened so fast. She opened the front door, in tears, telling us that he’d run out the back door and we couldn’t let him get to another house, to take another hostage.” He paused, swallowing back the pain that seemed to envelop him, the guilt that wanted to suffocate him. “We followed protocol—we triangulated our position—but he was waiting for us in the kitchen. He ambushed Lance as soon as he made it inside.”

  He didn’t speak, couldn’t say the words that she needed to hear. He tried but the words wouldn’t come. Nothing would. Except the pain, the guilt.

  “Chase?” She pushed herself up on her elbow to look at him. Tears slid down her cheeks. She didn’t even know the worst of it, yet she, a woman whom he’d never seen cry until recently, shed tears for him and his friend. “Chase?”

  He reached up and brushed the trail of her tears with his thumb, wanting to express to her how much it meant to him that she heard him. Not just that she was listening but she heard and understood his agony.

  “He shot Lance in the neck before he ran out of the house. Lance died as our backup and SWAT arrived, before the ambulance even got there.” Chase felt the burning sting of his own tears and her lips as she kissed them away. “The SWAT team got the guy, but if I’d waited like he wanted, Lance would still be alive. He’d be pushing his son on the swings, have more kids with his wife.”

  “Chase, I’m so sorry,” she murmured. “So sorry.”

  “I killed him, Bailey. I might as well have pulled that trigger.”

  “No.” Her voice grew steady as she cupped his face with her hand, forcing him to meet her intense gaze. “You did what you were trained to do. You were trying to save that woman and her kids. You couldn’t have known . . . ”

  “We should have waited. He was right. But I thought I knew better and wanted to trust my instincts.” He balled one hand into a fist at his side, trying to quell the fury building within him. The shameful guilt, the rage at his own helplessness. He never wanted her to see this side of him.

  BAILEY COULD FEEL Chase falling apart and it frightened her, but the fear was nothing compared with the anguish she felt for him knowing that he’d been living with this eating him up inside for eighteen months. She remembered the article in the local paper about him saving the kids, just one more good deed from the hometown hero, but she’d never heard the other details. What happened was a tragedy, but he was carrying a guilt that never should have been his, in spite of the part he may have played.

  He was quiet for a moment, taking a deep breath before continuing. “If Lance dying was the nightmare, his funeral was hell.”

  Bailey reached across his body for the fist at his side, sliding her fingers over his hand until it opened and she was able to twine her fingers in his. She pressed gentle kisses to his chest, trying to soothe the ache she knew must be building.

  “We were like brothers. I loved Rachel and Mason like family, but she knew how careful Lance was. When Lance was killed, she knew it was my fault. I promised her that I’d protect him, that I’d bring him home safe to them. I failed her and Mason. I couldn’t stay on the force after that. I couldn’t risk putting someone else in jeopardy.”

  “That’s when you came back.”

  “I quit and came back here to lick my wounds.” Chase seemed to calm slightly, his thumb tracing circles over her wrist as he stared at their clasped hands.

  “But the guilt didn’t go away.”

  Bailey wasn’t asking. She already knew the answer. She’d been trying to do the same thing for years, chasing the fickle ghost of what could have been, what should have been. But it had never brought her mother back and had never brought Bailey any understanding. In fact, the more she tried to learn about her mother, the more pain it had brought. “Have you ever talked to his wife since?”

  “I found out she moved to Carlsbad, near where her family is from, but she won’t talk to me. Mason was my godson and I’ve tried to send her money, but she just returns my checks and letters.”

  “You’ve never had any kind of closure. I thought you came back because your dad needed help.”

  “Everyone did.” His fingers brushed over her shoulder absently. “Most people didn’t even realize when I actually came back. I was hiding out at Justin’s for almost two weeks before someone heard and spread the word. We had to come up with something to tell the rest of the town.”

  “Why did you go back to being a cop? After what happened, anyone would understand if you wanted nothing to do with the danger anymore.”

  “Justin.” She looked up at him, surprised. “Remember I told you I owed him? I sank into a pretty deep pit after what happened. I didn’t just want to quit being a cop, I wanted to disappear completely. He reminded me what I loved in my life and kept reminding me until I started to believe him.”

  “I never knew.”

  “I never wanted anyone to. Justin is the only one.” He pressed a kiss to her head. “And now you.”

  She was honored that he trusted her enough to open up to her, sharing his deepest pain. She couldn’t even imagine what it had cost him to suffer in silence, to shoulder the guilt. Bailey could finally understand the unusual loyalty he had for her cousin. She felt a new appreciation for Justin, and his meddling overprotectiveness, knowing he’d not only saved Chase’s life but also helped him find his way back to the people who loved him.

  “The bull,” she whispered, her lips against his chest.

  It made perfect sense now why he would jump in front of the animal, putting himself in jeopardy to protect Justin. If not for Chase’s insistence, they would have backed out of the event, so when he was faced with the reality of Justin being hurt, or worse, he risked himself and accomplished what he hadn’t been able to do for his partner.

  “Yeah.” He yawned and she knew she had to let him sleep. Regardless of how macho he might act, he was injured and emotionally drained.

  “I love you, Chase.” Such a simple statement, but it encompassed so much.

  Chase tightened his hold on her, drawing her fully into his arms and tucking her head under his chin. “I have waited so long for this,” he whispered against her hair.

  She carefully lay her head on his shoulder, letting herself rest in the warmth of his body, listening to the steady beat of his heart, a heart he promised was hers. She closed her eyes and inhaled the scent of him, breathing him in. Instead of making her feel secure, his words frightened her. Dread crept into her chest, digging its talons in. She hadn’t told him about her phone call with Franklin or the trip she needed to make to LA.

  “Chase?” His breathing was deep and even and she realized sleep had claimed him.

  She didn’t want to move, didn’t want anything to destroy the dream-like quality of their lovemaking, and ignored her phone when she heard it ringing in the kitchen. But when it rang a second time, she couldn’t avoid it any longer. She slid out of his arms, careful not to wake him or shift his ribs, and wrapped the towel still at the foot of the bed around her as she hurried to her phone.

  She looked at the screen showing two missed calls from Franklin. “Damn it.” As she listened to the voice mail, a text came through.

  Flight UA5312, United, Gate 4 @ 8:20. Have a room waiting at the Four Seasons. Meeting at 10 a.m. tomorrow with Allen, my office.

  “Shit.” She hadn’t expected her flight to leave so soon. Another message followed with Franklin’s office address. She hadn’t even gotten a hold of the guys in the band yet. She sent a quick group text message for them to meet her at that address in the morning to discuss their contract with JD and the concerns she had. Almost immediately, Tucker replied.

  Thank God. It’s about time we figure out what’s going
on.

  Josh was less grateful.

  NOW you want to chime in, Bailey? Tucker, you’re a shit disturber. Let it go.

  So this was still an ongoing argument with the band? She’d assumed Tucker was exaggerating when he said they couldn’t resolve it, but it didn’t sound like it. If they couldn’t manage to unify about this, what hope was there for them? She sent another message.

  Time to clear the air. I want to know what’s rumor and what’s true.

  Bailey didn’t want to play into the boys’ club politics these guys had going on so she shut off her phone. The boys could come or not. Even if she was the only one at the meeting, she’d get to the bottom of things and free herself from this contract. She was ready to walk away from the entire mess. There was something far more exciting waiting for her here.

  Chapter Twenty-Four

  CHASE WOKE TO the sound of a crash in the kitchen. He started to roll out of bed when he felt the pain rip into his side, shooting down his back and radiating into his chest.

  “Son of a bitch!” He reached for his ribs and realized he was naked. Last night came back to him in a rush—making love to Bailey, telling her about Lance—and he jerked the sheet around him just as Justin appeared in the doorway. “What the hell are you doing here?”

  “I told you I’d be by today.”

  “Where’s Bailey?” Justin wouldn’t meet his gaze and he knew he was hiding something. “Justin?”

  “That’s a good question.”

  Chase curled an arm around his rib cage and sat up. “What do you mean?”

  “I mean, she called Alyssa last night and had her send me over. My own wife isn’t telling me why, and told me to give this to you.” Justin tossed a sealed envelope onto the bed, his jaw ticking in anger. “I told you not to do this. I told you this would happen. Damn it!” Justin clenched his fists at his side. “If you weren’t hurt, I’d kick your ass.”

  “No, you wouldn’t because I’m in love with her.”

  “Then I should just kick your ass out of sheer principle. I warned you, Chase.” Justin threw his hands into the air in frustration. “Damn it!”

  Chase ran a hand through his hair. “You think you could leave long enough for me to get dressed? You can tell me how stupid I am after I have some clothes on.”

  A feral growl rumbled from Justin’s throat. “For your safety, I’m going to assume that doesn’t mean what I think it does.” He turned back to the hall, shutting the bedroom door behind him.

  Chase heard Justin muttering the entire way back to the front of the house but he was the least of Chase’s concerns at the moment.

  Why would she leave?

  He hadn’t imagined last night, nor had he made up Bailey’s profession of love. He’d always suspected it, deep down, but hadn’t allowed himself to put his faith in it blindly. He looked at the envelope, recognizing Bailey’s flowery handwriting, the only thing girly about her. He wanted to read it, to understand why she would disappear after what they had shared, after what he’d told her about Lance.

  Unless that was the reason.

  Chase didn’t want to believe it but the fact of the matter was that he still had demons eating at him, still bore the guilt of Lance’s death. What woman in her right mind would want to take that kind of baggage on? Especially one with high aspirations for her future. There was also the matter of her career and whether she would sacrifice him for her big break.

  Sliding a finger under the flap, he opened the envelope. He’d expected a long, drawn-out explanation for her abandonment. Instead, it was only a single piece of paper, with barely any writing, only three lines:

  1) I love you!

  2) I’m sorry but I had to leave. I’ll be back when I can.

  Bailey

  BAILEY RUBBED HER eyes as her cell phone rang, and for a second, she thought about throwing it at the wall in an effort to silence it. Justin had been texting her nonstop since she’d called Alyssa to let her know of her safe arrival, demanding an explanation, and she was just as stubbornly ignoring his demands. She’d wanted to call Chase and explain the situation to him, but by the time she’d been checked into the hotel it had been well after midnight. She glanced at the screen on her phone and saw Franklin’s number, as well as the fact that it was almost 7:30 a.m. Struggling to wake fully, she sat up and answered it.

  “Sorry to call so early, Bailey, but I need you here. There are already two of the guys from your band outside my office, demanding I let them in. They want to know what’s going on, and they’re getting belligerent enough that I may need to call security. I’m not sure exactly what you want me to tell them.”

  “Who is it?”

  “Josh and Grady? And they don’t seem like they’re happy with you.”

  She tugged a pair of jeans over her legs, hopping on one foot as she tried to balance and slide on her short boots. “I’ll be right there. Give me ten minutes.”

  He laughed. “Ten? You couldn’t be here in ten minutes unless you were already waiting downstairs. This is LA. I’ll see you in thirty minutes, and that’s if you don’t hit traffic.”

  Bailey hung up. Looking around the massive hotel room, filled with expensive lotions and high-end shampoos, she realized how little appeal this life really held for her. Thanks to Alyssa’s former A-list actress status, Bailey had flown first class and was staying in one of the most posh hotels in Beverly Hills, but she couldn’t wait to get back home. It no longer mattered who gossiped about her, who spread rumors, or who wanted to look down on her because of her mother. She had Chase, and his was the only opinion that mattered to her.

  She glanced at her reflection and ran her fingers through her messy hair, pulling it back into a low ponytail and tugging her shirt over her head, reaching for her jacket and messenger bag. She laid her hand against the side, double-checking the contract she already knew was safe inside before grabbing her key card and rushing out the door.

  The cab ride was as frightening as her first roller coaster ride as a kid, only this ride didn’t come with padded bars and she was far less confident in the driver’s skills as he tailgated cars and weaved in and out of traffic like a NASCAR driver. As they arrived at Franklin’s office, twenty-seven minutes later, she handed him cash and said a quick prayer of thanks for her safety. She was directed to the twentieth floor from the elevator by the front desk clerk. Bailey nervously cracked her knuckles as she waited impatiently for the elevator and garnered several unappreciative glares from posh businessmen as they crowded near the doors.

  “What?” She met their animosity with a scowl of her own. She didn’t have the energy to worry about them. She had bigger problems waiting for her in Franklin’s office.

  As the elevator opened, she saw Josh and Grady in the lobby. Josh was towering, threateningly, over a receptionist who didn’t seem fazed by him at all. Grady, on the other hand, was trying to flirt his way past another woman insisting they both sit down or leave. Couldn’t they manage to act like adults for even a short while? Was this how they’d been acting for the past year since arriving down here? It made her wonder again why she’d ever considered pursuing this with them.

  “Will you two chill out and sit down?”

  Grady turned at the sound of her voice and grinned. They’d always gotten along well and he trusted her. She and Josh, on the other hand, had always butted heads and argued about what was best for the band. He was the one who had located and set up the contract with JD. Not wanting to rock the boat, and pleasantly surprised by the initial check of JD’s reputation, she’d let Josh take the lead, which was probably why he was throwing such a temper tantrum now.

  “Well, well, you finally decided to show up, huh?” Josh shook his head before running his fingers through his long, messy hair. “You think you can put us off for a year then just start questioning all we’ve done? What gives you the right?”

  “I’m only trying to help, Josh. If everything works out, great, but this way everyone gets questions answered at
the same time. And there are some questions.” She arched a brow at him, daring him to test her. “So, sit down, shut up, and wait for Tucker and Davis to get here.”

  Josh glared at her but took an empty seat in the corner of the room while Grady gave her a warm hug. “I’ve sure missed you, Hart. It just hasn’t been the same this past year without you.” He glanced back at Josh, who was pretending the flip through a magazine, glowering at them from behind the pages. “He’s getting more and more demanding. He’s always with JD and misses a lot of the practices he sets up.”

  “He’s hiding something,” Bailey said, eyeing Josh from across the room. He’d lost a lot of weight and his eyes looked sunken and hollow. She wondered if he was using.

  “He’s always been bossy, Hart, you know that; but this isn’t like him.” Grady glanced at Josh, then back to Bailey. He smiled at her. “You look different. Happy. Why?”

  Grady had never been observant so his comment surprised her. If it were that easy for him to see the change in her, it must be written in neon across her face. She was going to have to hide it better if this meeting was going to go her way.

  BAILEY GLANCED AT each of the men in turn. Tucker had arrived with Davis looking a little too glassy-eyed not to be stoned, and she wondered what he was on at ten o’clock in the morning. When had the guys fallen apart like this? As disappointed as she was, it made her more confident in her decision not to move down here with them after all. If they couldn’t manage to keep it together when they were just getting started, how were they ever going to handle any kind of fame?

  JD Allen sauntered into the room like a king holding court. “Let’s get this over with. I have places to be, and you guys have an album to cut.” He looked down his nose at Bailey. “It’s nice that you could finally make it, Bailey, but I’m afraid you’re too late.”

  “Excuse me?”