Taking Heart Page 17

  “Not since you got here,” Gage pointed out. “And you are not Dad,” he said quietly. “Is that what you’re afraid of? Turning into Dad?”

  “I’m already turning into him.” Dylan couldn’t hide the defeat in his voice.

  “Dylan, the issue with the pills wasn’t entirely your fault, and you’re past that. You are the most responsible man I’ve ever known. You took care of me and Mom, even when you should have been taking care of yourself. You took care of every man in your unit for years. You’re taking care of a woman you barely know.”

  Dylan looked at his brother. “I know her.”

  “You know what I mean,” Gage clarified. “You take care of everyone.”

  “I got two men killed.” His guilt surrounded him, choking him.

  “No, you didn’t. Those two men were killed during a mission.” Dylan looked at him. Gage had a way of getting straight to the point. He was almost painfully blunt. “You did everything you could to save them. That wasn’t your fault. You aren’t a superhero, Dylan.”

  He looked down at Roscoe. His brother wasn’t saying anything he hadn’t already heard from his therapist for the past year. He wasn’t to blame for the raid, the mistakes his unit made, trying to carry his fallen brother back. Had he made it where the rest of his unit had hunkered to wait, all three of them would have been killed when the missile hit. It didn’t change the guilt he shouldered that a husband and father was dead, another medic who’d stayed behind to help him—both gone forever because he hadn’t been able to save either of them. Two families were without men they needed because of Dylan. What right did he have to a future when they were without? He gripped his knees, his hands wanting to clench into fists, even as he fought the urge to allow the rage to flow through him, to put his fist through a wall.

  “I need to be alone.”

  “This is where this conversation always ends up, Dylan.” Gage shook his head. “Why can’t you stop fighting the truth and accept it?”

  Dylan heard Julia’s words from the night before echo in his brother’s comment. How could they both be so mistaken?

  Were they mistaken?

  “Do you want me to get your medication?” Gage stood up as Roscoe nudged Dylan’s hands insistently.

  “No.” He was tired of relying on the drugs to help him function. It was just one more sign that he wasn’t whole. He took a deep breath, but the rage wouldn’t quite loosen its hold on him. Roscoe shoved his nose under Dylan’s arms and pressed his snout under his chin, bumping him harder, knocking his head backward slightly. It was enough to force him to focus on the dog. He opened his hand and Roscoe slid his head under Dylan’s palm. He made up his mind that he was going to call his doctor and get off of them. It was going to take time, but it was a step toward becoming the man Julia believed him to be.

  “No, I’m okay.” He took another deep breath and looked up at Gage as Roscoe lolled his tongue out, appearing to smile. “I’m good.”

  Gage stared at him for a moment, still unsure, before a smile widened over his face. “Yeah, you are. At least, you will be.”

  EVAN HAD DISAPPEARED from the face of the earth. At least, that was the way it seemed. For the past two days, Julia had ventured outside only to help Chase and Dylan train the dogs. She was able to bring a few of the other dogs out for a little training in a group, but nothing like she usually would, and it was wearing on her nerves. It wasn’t fair to her dogs to be cooped up so long, but she just couldn’t bring herself to take the risk. She knew Evan wanted her in this position: fearful, confined to a single area under his watch. Several times during the day she felt as if there were unseen eyes watching her, but Chase and Dylan had both assured her that they’d gone over the property with a fine-tooth comb and found no signs of Evan.

  She knew they needed to leave the property again in order to properly train the dogs, but after the incident in the grocery store, she was sure Evan would be waiting for her somewhere else. Being cooped up was starting to make her irritable, and she’d snapped at her brother again this morning when he showed up for breakfast. Paranoia was beginning to set in, and she wondered if she shouldn’t just call an end to this madness.

  Dylan seemed to understand her fear and would hold her through it when she would break down in tears in the middle of the night. He was there when she woke from multiple nightmares, something she hadn’t experienced for years, until Evan’s return. Dylan seemed to know she didn’t need him to psychoanalyze her or try to convince her that there was nothing to be afraid of. He simply held her, letting her release the tears and terror against his broad chest.

  The only time she was able to forget the insanity that had become her daily life was when Dylan touched her, as they made love. In his arms, she lived in the present. His hands made her soar, away from deranged ex-boyfriends, beyond overprotective siblings, hidden from self-doubt, if only for a short time. But each morning, reality came crashing in just before sunrise when Dylan rose to relieve Chase. It had to stop. It was a dangerous version of Groundhog Day, and she was finished with her role in it.

  “We’re taking the dogs into town today,” she announced as she walked into the kitchen.

  All four men seated around her kitchen table looked up at her in surprise. Justin was the first to speak. “I’m not sure that’s a good—”

  “I don’t care.” She crossed her arms and raised a brow, daring anyone else to argue. “I’m done hiding in this house. We’re making ourselves sitting ducks here. I’m not a victim any longer, and I’m tired of acting like one.”

  Dylan’s mouth lifted at one corner. “You sure?”

  She returned the smile. “Being stuck with you four is making me crazy. I’m sick of the testosterone overload in this house. Right, Gracie?” The shepherd lifted her head and cocked it sideways.

  “Road trip,” Gage yelled. “Dibs on the guest shower.” He pointed at Chase. “You used all the hot water last time.”

  He raised his hands. “That wasn’t me.” He shifted his eyes to Dylan before glancing at Julia. A blush flooded her cheeks as she recalled the shower the two of them had taken together the morning before.

  “Ew!” Justin dropped his fork onto his empty plate. “I’m glad I ate before you decided to ruin my appetite, Chase. Thanks.” He glared at Dylan. “That’s the last thing I want to think about over my breakfast. Or ever.”

  “Maybe you should eat breakfast at home then,” Julia offered.

  “Look who’s feeling feisty this morning.” Chase laughed, smacking Justin’s arm, and put his own dishes into the sink. “Little sister just told you.”

  Julia cleared her throat. “Do I look like your maid? Dishwasher,” she warned, pointing at the sink before walking out the back door to feed the dogs in the kennel. Dylan followed her with Roscoe and Tango running ahead.

  “You okay?”

  “Fine, why?”

  “You seem a little on edge.” He moved behind her and wound his arms around her waist, walking in step behind her. His lips moved against the shell of her ear, sending a warm shiver of desire between her thighs. What was it about this man that turned her into a puddle of quivering Jell-O when he was near?

  She tipped her head to one side, giving him access to her neck and sighing as his lips caressed her. “I’m tired of running and hiding.”

  His hand slid under the hem of her shirtfront, his fingers teasing her bared flesh. “Okay.”

  “I’m tired of being afraid. I want to control my own life again.” Dylan turned her to face him at the door of the kennel and held her against it, looking into her eyes, searching them for something. “I guess I just have a touch of cabin fever.”

  “You know what they say about fevers, right?” He dipped his head and nipped at the corner of her mouth.

  “That you’re supposed to starve a fever?”

  He lifted his head and looked confused. “I thought you were supposed to sweat with a fever.”

  She knew she must have a stupid grin on her
face, but his attempt at dirty talk was so funny and illogical that she couldn’t help herself. “Um, no. But did you have something in mind?”

  Dylan opened the door to the kennel amid several barks, yips, and calls of delight from the dogs. “I did, but I don’t think these guys are going to wait for breakfast,” he yelled over the din.

  “Probably not,” she agreed but turned and pulled him toward her, raising on her toes and giving him a kiss that he wouldn’t forget. Her hands wrapped around his neck, her fingers massaging the back of his head as her mouth teased him.

  Dylan growled, sliding his hands over her rear and pulling her against him. She could feel his arousal and wished they had time and the privacy to give in to their passion now. “Come on, these dogs will just get louder if we don’t get them fed,” he complained as he walked toward the kennels to gather the food bowls.

  “I promise to make it up to you later.”

  Dylan stopped and looked back at her over his shoulder. “You better believe it.”

  “WHY ARE WE going to the park when Julia has several hundred acres?” Gage parked the Camaro next to Julia’s truck in the field turned into a parking lot.

  “Why not?” Dylan glared at his brother as they locked the cars.

  “Because there are people and distractions here that we can’t replicate at my place,” Julia pointed out. “Like the kids swimming in the community pool over there, or those kids on the playground there. Those things are all noises and smells the dogs don’t have at home, and Roscoe and Gracie need to learn to ignore them and focus on their handlers.”

  “Wow, she is feeling feisty today.” Dylan laughed at his brother as he reached for Julia’s left hand, moving Roscoe to his left side.

  “Yeah, well, if you two don’t keep your hands off each other while we’re here, I’m going home.”

  Julia laughed as she looked down at Dylan’s hand. “Can’t do it. You need to keep him on your right. Today we’re going to teach him how to move between you and other people.”

  He frowned before pursing his lips. “How do we do that?”

  She gave Tango the command to sit and stay and moved toward Dylan. “Tell him to stand, and step behind him.” When he did as she said, Roscoe looked back at him. “Now tell him to stay close.”

  He did as she said while Gage and Chase watched. Tango laid his head on his paws, appearing to go to sleep, and Gracie cocked her head to the side, her ears alert.

  “Chase, tell Gracie to stay and approach Dylan.” Chase followed her orders and walked toward Dylan. Roscoe remained firmly rooted in position, facing Chase but not allowing him to move any closer than his body length toward Dylan. Chase took a step to the side, but Roscoe shifted to block him without hesitation.

  “Praise him and release him from position,” Julia said.

  “Good boy, Roscoe.” Dylan squatted down and rubbed the dog’s neck. “Okay, you’re a good boy, aren’t you?” The dog’s mouth opened and his chin lifted.

  “That was exactly what he should do. Did you see how he blocked Chase from moving toward you? Let’s try it again, but this time watching behind you. Then we’ll try a down-stay with him lying down in front of you so no one can come close.”

  Julia helped Dylan teach Roscoe the new commands and was surprised by his patience with the dog. When they began working with Chase and Gracie, she had Gage hide a toy in the middle of the playground as they walked Gracie away from it. Teaching dogs to scent train was one of her favorite tasks, and the dogs actually loved the work. It was a skill that only a few breeds were able to master, and Gracie was one of the best she’d ever worked with. She turned to see where Gage hid the toy, at the top of the tallest twisting slide, and smiled. He wasn’t about to make it easy on Chase or the dog.

  A crying child running to her mother near the fence caught Julia’s attention. The noise was new to the dogs, and she could see Gracie was trying to focus in spite of the distractions. “Okay, are you—”

  Her heart raced, even as it dropped into her toes. Evan stood just outside the fence, watching their group. She opened her mouth to tell Chase, but before she could say anything, Evan dipped his head toward her and disappeared. There was no vehicle, no witnesses. He simply disappeared without a trace, almost as if she’d imagined his presence entirely.

  “Julia, are you ready?” Chase asked.

  She tore her eyes from the fence line. “I . . . yes.”

  Julia looked at Chase and wondered if she shouldn’t tell him what she thought she’d seen. She glanced back to where Evan had stood. Maybe it hadn’t been him. But, then why would a stranger be watching them? Why would he nod in her direction and vanish? In the end, she decided not to say anything, not yet, because if she was wrong, they would think she was losing her marbles. Maybe she was.

  “Let her go,” she told him.

  “Find it, Gracie,” he instructed. The dog took off like a shot toward the playground and began sniffing under the swings, quickly moving on to the jungle gym and navigating the plastic stairs with reckless disregard for her own safety. She picked her way to the top of the slide and sat outside the entrance, looked back at Chase following her, and began barking excitedly. “Well, that didn’t take long.”

  He led the dog back to where Julia, Dylan, and Gage waited. “Too easy.” He tossed the toy to Gage. “Try harder, unless she’s just smarter than you,” he teased.

  Julia loved hearing the men joke with each other, and watching how relaxed Dylan was becoming around them. Normally, she would be the first to jump in and tease, but her gaze kept straying back to the fence, keeping an eye out for the man she’d seen. The more time that passed, the more she wondered if it had really been Evan. It was very possible she was so paranoid that he would find her that she was imagining anyone might look like him.

  “Julia, are you listening?” Dylan’s brow was etched with concern when she finally responded. She could see the anxiety rise in him as he looked off in the distance, following her gaze.

  “I’m fine,” she said, shaking her head. “I was just lost in my thoughts for a second.” She looked down at Gracie, who sat at Chase’s feet, a happy dog grin on her face as she beamed up at him. “Let’s try something harder. I’ll hold her and I want you to go hide, Chase.”

  Dylan scanned the area again. “Are you sure about that?”

  “It’s fine, Dylan,” Chase said. “Dad’s already patrolled the area twice just since we’ve arrived.”

  Julia looked at him, surprised.

  “What? I let him know we’d be here. Didn’t you see the patrol car drive by a few minutes ago?”

  She hadn’t, but if the sheriff was in the area, Evan certainly wouldn’t have risked being seen.

  Unless that was what made him run.

  She didn’t know what to think at this point.

  “I want to see what she can do.” Chase sounded like a little boy with a new toy he loved. “Admit it, she’s doing even better than you’d thought she would.”

  She arched a brow at him. “I’m encouraged by how well she’s doing.”

  “Psh, don’t listen to her, Gracie.” The shepherd cocked her head to the side and lifted her ears high, listening to him. “She likes that slobbery Great Dane. She can’t appreciate a smart girl like you.”

  “It’s official.” Gage threw his hands into the air and slapped his thighs. “Chase has crossed over into insanity and is flirting with a dog. Dude, you really need to find a girlfriend.”

  Chapter Eighteen

  DYLAN AND GAGE had been at the ranch for a little over a week, and things seemed perfect. Too perfect. If Dylan had been anyone else, Julia would have let him know that he would be ready to leave after another week of training. He and Roscoe had bonded better than she’d hoped, and with only a week under their belt, the dog was as devoted to him as he would have been if Dylan had raised him from a puppy. She couldn’t ask for more. Except she wanted to.

  She and Dylan spent every moment together, and like him a
nd his bonding with Roscoe, their relationship had progressed faster than most would. She sat on the couch with him, tucked into his side, watching a movie with him, both dogs on the floor. Gage had gone to get some work finished in her office. Chase glanced their way and twisted his mouth to the side thoughtfully. She caught his gaze and reached for the remote to pause the movie.

  “What’s that look for?”

  “I’m just thinking.” He waved his hand, but his thoughtful expression remained.

  “About?” Dylan jumped in.

  “How much longer do you think Gracie will need?”

  Julia laughed. “Chase, it’s only been three days. Search and rescue dogs train for years before they are tested, and you have to pass several certifications. We’re just laying the groundwork.”

  “Seriously? I thought we just taught her to sniff out things and that was it.” He looked at the dog lying at his feet. She looked up at him adoringly.

  “Would you hand any Joe Blow a gun and call him a deputy?”

  “I see your point.” He shrugged. “She needs to be doing this, even if I did just start this as an excuse to be out here to protect you.” He looked back at Julia and Dylan, his expression growing somber. “This isn’t working. Either Evan is gone or he’s not falling for the ruse.”

  “He’s not gone.” Dylan sounded so certain, Julia’s heart began to beat quickly, and she wondered if he’d seen him at the park as well. “He wouldn’t go through all of this trouble just to disappear at the first sign of resistance.” Dylan reached out and took her hand in his, as if he knew the mere mention of Evan had sent her stomach plummeting to her toes. “Are you thinking of leaving?”

  “I’m debating it. This isn’t doing anyone any good.”

  “It’s protecting Julia. What do you think he’s going to do when you leave?” Dylan looked down at her as she sat up, feeling more uncomfortable with this discussion with each passing moment. “If you leave, Julia will be a sitting target.”

  “She’ll have you.” Chase looked at Dylan pointedly.