Wild at Heart (Healing Harts) Read online

Chase’s brow dipped at her words. He didn’t like the way she devalued herself when he knew she was good at a number of things. How could she not see the same worth in herself that he did, that everyone did?

  “You see it as your ticket out.”

  “It’s not just that,” she said, shaking her head. “Singing makes me feel free. When it’s just me and my guitar, I get lost in the music. I go places I can’t reach otherwise. With my music, no one cares what my reputation is or who I am. I get to reach them and help them feel something, whether that’s excitement, love, or sadness. I get to be a guide for them to experience life in a new way. That’s why I love playing for the kids at the hospital. I’m able to help them forget what they’re going through for a little while, and they help me remember there’s so much more to life that we take for granted.”

  “Is it the singing or singing for the kids?” She looked confused by his question, as if it was ridiculous for him to ask it, but Chase could also see the uncertainty. He pressed on, realizing he might have found the error in her plans. If it wasn’t the band, fame, and the recording contract she really wanted, the freedom she sought was already hers. She just didn’t realize it. “Which do you prefer, singing for crowds of people in the bars or singing for the kids?”

  “For the kids,” she admitted, hesitantly. “But that makes sense. If you saw what they go through and how I’m able to distract them for just a little while.”

  The light, the sheer pleasure, that filled her eyes made his heart ache. Her eyes shone with emotion, a passion for what she loved to do, and he recognized it. He felt the same way about being a police officer, or at least he had before Lance’s death. He’d felt like he was making a difference, like what he was doing was helping to make the world a better place, like there was a purpose behind what he was doing—until reality had come crashing down around him. They had far more in common than she realized.

  “What you’re saying is that the bars are fun but the kids are meaningful.”

  “Exactly.”

  He slid his hand over her hers and turned to sit beside her on the tailgate. “It’s not all it’s cracked up to be, you know.”

  “What isn’t?”

  He hadn’t meant for the conversation to take this turn. But Bailey had always had a way of forcing him to face his fears. Whether it was climbing the highest tree she could find or being the first to launch herself into the river from a rope swing without checking for rocks below. The mere fact that they were both still alive was sheer dumb luck but, in the process, she’d taught him to enjoy the rush of excitement and to trust his instinct. It was the only way she lived, but he’d learned the hard way that trusting his instincts could be deadly.

  “Living in a big city, leaving your family, striking out on your own. It isn’t nearly as exciting as it sounds.” He stared at the water as it twisted, cutting a path through the solid green of the pasture. The way Lance’s death had slashed through his perfect, idealistic life.

  Bailey rolled her eyes. “Chase, I get that you didn’t like the city, but that doesn’t mean I won’t.”

  “You might like it. If you like smog and sirens and people yelling all night. Don’t get me wrong, there are some parts that are nice. Like being able to grab a burger at midnight or . . . ” He nodded. “Yeah, that’s about the only thing.”

  Bailey snickered. “What is it with you and your stomach? Everything with you always comes back to food,” she teased.

  Not everything. Chase felt the desire swell in him as her smile lit her eyes and glanced at the sky. Wisps of clouds were just starting to cut across the sky as it changed colors, from bright orange to dark pinks. “Speaking of which, we need to pack up. I owe you a burger.”

  She gave him a shy smile as she hopped off the back of the truck and leaned forward to lay the poles in the bed. “What if I wanted something more elaborate?”

  Chase sat up quickly, grasping her wrist and moving her in front of him. He slid his hands around the top of her hips, his thumbs caressing the skin just below the hem of her shirt, and he saw her eyes darken. His fingers dug into the denim and he desperately wished he could allow himself to act on the fantasies that had plagued him throughout most of the previous night while she’d slept in his arms.

  However, this wasn’t the time. They had places to be and people waiting on them for dinner. But, more important, Chase wanted her to want him, to need him, to make leaving impossible. He didn’t have time for mistakes. He had to do this right the first time. She leaned into him, her body seeking his touch, even if she didn’t realize what she was doing. He brushed her hair back from her shoulder, following it with his mouth at the hollow behind her ear. Chase stifled a groan, his lips moving over her sun-warmed flesh. The scent of her skin was driving him insane and he closed his eyes, savoring the moment.

  “What is it you want, Bailey? Name it.”

  “Chase?” He could hear the playful tone of her voice as she turned to face him, pressing her palms against his chest and lifting her sweet blue eyes to meet his gaze. He recognized the look from when they were kids. “I want you to back up. You smell like fish.”

  Chapter Fifteen

  BAILEY HAD BEEN a bit surprised when Chase pulled into Julia’s driveway, but it quickly became clear that the dinner he’d planned to fix for her was actually burgers with Julia and Dylan. After a quick shower, she was more than grateful for Julia’s offer of a fresh set of clothing, even if her cousin’s style was less rebel and more casually comfortable. Bailey could tolerate pastel flannel over her usual dark T-shirts for a few hours if it meant she no longer smelled like the fish now in Julia’s freezer. Letting out a long sigh of relief, she cuddled with Emmie on the front porch of Julia’s house while Gracie slept, curled up at her feet.

  Unfortunately, it also meant she wasn’t alone with Chase any longer. A shiver of desire ran down her back and she could feel the goose bumps rise on her arms under the shirt. Maybe that wasn’t such a bad thing.

  She’d spent most of her life praying he would notice her, to see her as a woman, and as her bad luck would have it, just when he finally did, she was leaving everything about this town behind, including him. Blake’s words had been haunting her all day. If she stayed here, she could almost see her future laid out in front her, even if it wasn’t with Chase—the white picket fence, babies, all culminating in endless years of boredom and regret. But, if she left and didn’t take this opportunity to see if her attraction to Chase was more than just lust, she’d spend her life regretting it. Maybe even more than giving up her chance at the recording contract. But she wondered if she would really miss the record deal and the headaches that came with it.

  Chase had made her really consider why she sang, especially for the kids in the hospital. It wasn’t building a career, or changing her reputation, since no one knew she did it other than Blake and a few nurses. But she did it because it made the kids happy, and it made her feel good. Not just that she was doing something good, but she felt good. She thought of the phoenix on her shoulder. Those sick kids made her feel like she was making something beautiful from the ashes her mother had left behind, and a few she’d created for herself. But her life wasn’t all ashes.

  Bailey looked down at Emily, sleeping soundly on her shoulder. As much as her cousins smothered her, it was with love. They were a close-knit clan and the thought of leaving them all behind, especially as their family was growing, tore at her, making her question whether leaving was the right choice, if she wasn’t just “exercising her freedom to make a point” as Chase said. Perhaps what looked too good to be true, in fact, was.

  Tucker had called her this morning before Chase had returned and it wasn’t good news. He’d found three acts—she’d never heard of any of them, which wasn’t a good sign—and they had nothing but harsh criticisms and warnings about trusting JD as their manager. She wasn’t sure what to do next, or who to turn to for help. Justin would simply say he’d told her so and make it impossible for her to leave.
Nathan had connections, but he and Jessie shared everything. If she found out, she’d tell Justin for sure. Chase might be able to do a background check on JD, but she was hesitant to ask him. She didn’t want him to think she’d made a foolish, rash decision.

  “Don’t you look domesticated?” Julia set two glasses of lemonade on the wicker table. “Want me to take her?”

  Bailey smiled down at Emily, sighing quietly against her shoulder. “Only if you want to. Otherwise, we’re fine.”

  In spite of what people assumed, Bailey loved children and, someday, she secretly hoped to have a houseful, but not before she’d had time to pursue her dreams, to do the things she couldn’t once she was a parent. It might sound a bit selfish, but she’d decided a long time ago that she would never do to a child what her mother had done to her. Before she made any commitment or considered settling down, she wanted to experience more than just this tiny dot on the map. She was going to jam as much excitement as possible into life before deciding where she wanted to finally put down her roots. No child should ever feel the weighty ache of coming second to her mother’s goals. The mere thought strengthened her resolve to continue ahead with her plan to go to LA.

  “Get your baby fix now,” Julia warned. “She’s going to grow like a weed and then by the time you come back to visit, she’ll probably be crawling.”

  “You make it sound like I’m leaving forever.” Bailey sighed and looked down at Emmie’s sweet, sleeping face again. She looked cherubic with her tiny fist at her chin. “It will only be a few months. A year, tops, and that’s only if we end up getting booked on a tour.”

  “Is that really what you want?” Julia sipped her lemonade and peered over the glass at Bailey. “To go on tour, I mean?”

  Bailey shrugged slightly. “I guess. I mean, it’s not my first choice, but it’s all part of it.”

  Julia laughed quietly. “Everything has a downside, right?”

  Being on tour, crappy clubs filled with too much smoke and men whose hands moved faster than their mouths, sleepless nights . . . those things were all part of the music scene and Bailey would learn to deal with them if she had to. If it meant doing what she loved, almost anything was tolerable.

  “How’d you end up fishing with Chase down at the river today?” Julia wrinkled her nose and Bailey laughed. Her cousin had always been the first to bail on anything she perceived as too tomboyish.

  “I don’t know. He just asked if I wanted to go.”

  Julia hid her smile behind the glass. “This doesn’t have anything to do with him being in your bed this morning, does it?” Bailey felt the blush rise up her neck, warming her cheeks.

  “Who told you?”

  “Who do you think? Justin, of course.” Julia laughed. “He said Chase had come by the clinic and they’d talked it out and come to some sort of agreement.”

  “Agreement? What is that supposed to mean?” She stifled her anger in an effort not to wake Emily.

  “I have no idea,” Julia said. “He wouldn’t tell me anything else.”

  “It was stupid. Nothing happened,” Bailey insisted.

  “Really?” Julia didn’t even bother to hide her doubt as she cocked her head to the side. “Because you’ve never really been able to hide how much you’ve wanted a chance at more than friendship with Chase.”

  Had she really been that obvious? “What . . . I . . . ”

  “Besides,” Julia continued, not giving her a chance to deny her attraction. “Chase is a good guy. You could do much worse than to find someone like him. Jessie and I have always hoped the two of you would eventually figure things out. Although, I doubt he’s ever going to leave Placerville again.”

  Bailey opened her mouth to argue, but what was the sense in trying to deny what everyone seemed to already know? Bailey thought she’d been able to keep her secret well hidden over the years and now, to find out everyone knew was humiliating. Chase had already admitted to knowing and, if that was the case, why was he suddenly jerking the rug out from under her and changing the rules?

  Justin.

  His conversation with Chase had to be the reason for the sudden change. Bailey didn’t want to think Chase would play with her feelings that way, that he would use them to gain an upper hand for Justin, but she wasn’t sure her cousin wouldn’t stoop so low as to manipulate her feelings just to force her to stay. Chase did say he owed Justin more than she realized, and Julia said they’d come to an agreement. Chase had plenty of opportunities to talk with Justin since she’d dropped the bomb about leaving town. She knew Justin didn’t want her to leave, but did he really think that Chase could seduce her into staying? And the idea that Chase would go along with something so unscrupulous, at the cost of her emotions, made her heart ache.

  “Time for dinner,” Dylan announced as he led the way through the door. “I hope you ladies are hungry. We have corn on the cob and baked beans.” Chase followed behind him with a plate piled high with patties in one hand and several barbecue tools in the other.

  “I made some homemade ice cream yesterday, too.” Julia stood and took Emmie from Bailey’s arms. “I’ll just take her inside so we can eat. She should sleep through dinner at least.”

  As Julia left the room, Dylan eyed the pair uncertainly. There was a sudden tension in the air, and Bailey knew it was coming from her. The realization that she was being conned, especially by Chase, didn’t sit well and, as hard as she tried to pretend she didn’t suspect him, she was having a hard time even looking his direction. She wasn’t going to allow anyone, not even Chase or Justin, to toy with her to get his or her way. But even as her mind spun the scenario, ticking off instances that might prove it was what Chase was doing, her heart sought to deny it. It was just too much for her to take in at once. When Chase moved closer to her, twining his fingers into hers, her body responded with a jolt of heat, like lightning in her veins, but her heart was too pained to acknowledge the desire.

  Bailey slid her hand from Chase’s and excused herself, making up a reason to check on Julia inside. She could feel his gaze following her as she hurried inside, watching her every move like he was trying to uncover the motive for the sudden change.

  Good luck, cowboy, because I can’t even figure it out anymore.

  Bailey rushed into the bathroom and locked the door behind her, trying to squash the conflicting emotions rushing her like a head-on collision. Burying her face into her hands, she slid down the wall and let the hot tears course down her cheeks. She didn’t want anyone else to know how confused she was. At least in here, her weakness was hidden from everyone else.

  She had been so tempted to take this chance with Chase, to finally open herself up to be with the man she’d always wanted and measured every other man against, but the doubt that had suddenly risen had put a shadow over his recent change of heart. He’d mentioned several times how he wouldn’t betray Justin, so that could only mean Justin had agreed to this, if not put him up to it entirely. If that was true—and the more she considered it, the more it seemed likely—the more determined she was to prove to them both that she was no one’s pawn.

  There was a quiet tap against the door and Bailey wiped her eyes quickly. Clearing her throat, she stood and turned on the water. “Just a second, Jules.”

  She splashed her face, trying to wash away the traces of her tears, which only managed to smear her eye makeup worse. She wiped a finger under her eye but, realizing it was a lost cause, she gave up and opened the door, running smack into the solid wall of Chase’s chest.

  He caught her as she stumbled backward, slightly out of breath from the surprise. “You okay?” The husky rasp of his voice melted any indifference she’d been able to muster and she felt her body melt into his. “I got a little worried when you rushed out and I didn’t find you with Julia.”

  “I’m okay. I just . . . ” Her voice caught as Chase searched her face.

  “Have you been crying?” He hand cupped her jaw, his thumb brushing over her cheek gently as he ti
pped her chin up, sending flames of need licking the tinder ready to catch fire as his voice softened. “Why?”

  Chase could see more than she wanted him to, far too much. She wanted to revel in the hope that, for the first time, someone was looking closely enough to see past her street-tough facade. Bailey wanted to bury her face in his chest, to release the tears she was trying so desperately to hold back and give in to the desire and just let go—of her fears, her reservations, the suffocating weight of expectations. She knew Chase. She could trust him.

  Can you?

  Like a frightened animal, Bailey fell back on her protective instincts to guard her heart, to get past anything that stood in her way. To run.

  She pushed against his chest, trying to get away from the emotions assaulting her, pulling her in two different directions and suffocating her. It was too much to deal with.

  A week ago, her biggest problem had been finding a way to tell her cousins she was leaving for LA. Now she was questioning her desire to go because of Chase. She’d had two dreams in her life, and now she held open doors to either, but making a choice would close one off forever.

  “I don’t want to talk about this now, not here,” she muttered, easing past him in the narrow hallway.

  “Okay.” His voice held a note of discouragement, and she knew she was to blame.

  When he didn’t follow, she stopped midstride and turned back toward him. “What?”

  “I said, okay. I don’t know what I said or did, or if it was me, but I don’t want to see you hurting, Bailey.” He took a step toward her and she found herself frozen in place. Chase brushed the back of his fingers over her cheek, and she could see the sadness in his eyes, the disappointment shadowed in the depths. “I don’t ever want to be the reason you cry.”

  Julia’s voice in the kitchen, calling to Dylan, broke the stillness in the house and Bailey took a step away from Chase, looking down the hallway.

  “Do you want me to take you home?” he asked.

  “No, they’ve gone to too much trouble.”