Taking Heart Read online

  “This is just the illusion of control, Julia.” She turned her head away, not wanting him to see her tears of frustration. “I told you I was a medic, but did I ever tell you that in my seven years, I never lost a man? I was great at my job because I knew exactly what to do and when.”

  She turned back to face him, but he wasn’t looking at her. Dylan was staring down at his hands, rubbing his thumb over the back of the other in agitation before running one hand over the top of his head. Then he met her gaze. She could see agony in the deep mahogany depths, but there was more, a need to purge the demon inside. She recognized it because she’d felt the same way when she told him about what Evan had done. It had hurt to open the wound, but it also led to healing. Since that night, since sharing the painful memory, it had held less power over her.

  “But that last day was different. We’d been ordered to scout out an abandoned base to see if it would be possible to retake it. It was supposed give us a foothold in enemy territory. We should have known something wasn’t right. It was too easy to slip in. Once we were all inside, they came at us. Sprang it like a mousetrap. We tried to pull out. We managed to get everyone back, but then one of our guys took a bullet. It was bad.”

  She saw his eyes glaze over as his voice fell silent for a moment. He was reliving the scene in his head and experiencing the horror again. Roscoe jumped into his lap and bumped his chin with his nose. Dylan’s eyes cleared quickly.

  “I lied to him and told him I could save him.” He went on as if he hadn’t paused. Julia wondered if he even realized he had, or that Roscoe had almost instantly drawn him from the flashback. “He had a family. A wife and kids. It was my job, but I couldn’t do anything.”

  Dylan shook his head and buried his forehead into his hands. “I refused to leave him there. I knew what would happen if they got a hold of him. We were trying to get him out when they hit us again. They were both killed, Julia.”

  “They?”

  “Jefferies and Michaels.” He rubbed a hand over his face.

  “That’s when you were shot?”

  He shook his head. “I heard the bullet ricochet off the wall just before the grenade hit behind me. It knocked me off my feet again. I have no idea how I lived. I have no idea why I lived.” His voice caught, choked with emotion. “They both had families, kids who will never see their dads again. I was supposed to save them.”

  Roscoe nudged his elbow, and Julia moved to be closer to him, dropping to her knees in front of him, forcing him to look at her. She could see the tears in his eyes, see that retelling this story was ripping his heart out. But Dylan was here, in the present, and she knew how hard that was for him. According to what Gage told her, to remain focused in the face of the terror he was reliving was an accomplishment he couldn’t have achieved a week ago.

  Dylan’s hands curved around the back of her head, curling into her hair. “I thought I had everything under control. I was wrong. You can’t control this, Julia, and I won’t lose you.”

  Before she could respond, to tell him again how this was different, he bent forward, his mouth seeking hers. This wasn’t the tenderness she’d come to expect from him, and the intensity frightened her even as it excited her. His tongue swept into her mouth—searing, branding, mating with her, and shivers of anticipation danced over her. Dylan slid his hands over her hips, dragging her against his body before easing onto the couch with her, shoving Tango aside.

  Tango voiced his disapproval but jumped down. Dylan never tore his mouth from hers as he leaned over her. She wound her hands around the back of his head, his short hair tickling her palms. She was just as desperate for his touch. The thought that this man trusted her enough to open up, to be vulnerable and tell her what happened to him, filled her eyes with tears of her own.

  “Oh, sorry. I didn’t realize.” Gage stopped in the doorway.

  Dylan pressed his forehead against hers, barely tearing himself away from her mouth. He growled deep in his throat, but she slid her hand over his cheek and pressed a quick, embarrassed kiss to his chin and squirmed from under him.

  “It’s fine, Gage.” She saw the muscle working in Dylan’s cheek. “We were talking about Evan.”

  A grin slid to Gage’s face. “That didn’t look like talking.” Julia felt the heat rise in her cheeks, burning her face.

  Dylan, ever her hero, rose and moved to stand beside her. “Stop, Gage. Don’t embarrass her.” He frowned at his brother. “We were talking about why I think this plan of Chase’s is too dangerous to try. I ended up telling her what happened.”

  “Oh? Oh!” Surprise arched Gage’s brows high on his forehead. “Just for the record, I know you didn’t ask me, but I think Dylan is right. This is a dangerous plan with a lot that can go wrong. All it takes is one wrong move and someone could get hurt.”

  Julia sighed again. How was she supposed to trust herself when no one else seemed to trust her judgment? “So, I’m intelligent enough to help your brother overcome his PTSD, to train service dogs, and run this ranch, but I’m not smart enough to make this decision on my own?”

  She felt her temper flare up. She was trying to stand on her own feet again, and everyone seemed determined to remind her she was too weak. She was tired of being viewed as weak. Evan saw her as weak. She refused to be powerless any longer.

  “I don’t remember asking for input on this decision. I’m staying.” She looked up at Dylan. “I was hoping for your support in this, but if you can’t do it, you and Gage are welcome to take Roscoe and leave. I can give you the name of another great trainer, and you can finish with him. But I’m seeing this through until Evan is back behind bars. I won’t be a victim anymore.”

  She stormed out of the room, leaving Gage staring openmouthed and Dylan rubbing his forehead in frustration.

  “JULIA, OPEN THE door.”

  “Go away, Dylan.”

  It broke her heart to turn him away, especially after what he’d just shared with her, but she couldn’t back down from this decision. They both had a choice to make. He could either stay and they could see this through together, or he could turn his back on her, and the danger Evan posed. He could take Roscoe and she would help him find someone else to finish their training. The thought of him leaving made her chest ache, and she couldn’t breathe. She wanted to believe she cared about Roscoe and Dylan’s training, the progress they were making, more than she did her relationship with him, but the truth was that the man had her twisting in the wind. She was head over heels and couldn’t do a damn thing to stop it. The worst part was that she had to keep it to herself.

  Her siblings already second-guessed her decisions after what had happened with Evan. If she told Justin she’d fallen for a client again, he’d read her the riot act. It was clear he already suspected she was starting to, which explained his attitude toward Dylan, but if she confessed that she was in love with him, Justin would go nuts.

  “Julia, let me in.” His voice was quietly insistent and she caved, unable to find it within her to deny him. She opened the door a crack but didn’t say anything. “I don’t agree with this choice, but you know I won’t leave. You’re safer with me here than with me gone.”

  “That’s why you’re staying?” She felt her chest constrict painfully. She wanted to be more than an obligation to him. She didn’t want him to see her as another job responsibility. “I have enough people trying to rescue me, Dylan.” She started to close the door.

  Dylan held his hand against it and pushed it open, stepping inside the room. “Not the way I can.” He let the dog in and shut the door behind him. His hands found her waist. “I didn’t come here looking to be your savior, Julia.” He ran his thumb over her lower lip, his eyes focused on hers. “And I didn’t come here looking for this. But, I’m not willing to throw it away now that I’ve found it.”

  “I don’t want you to go,” she whispered, wanting nothing more than to go back to the simplicity they’d had this morning.

  “Good, because I’m no
t leaving until you ask me to.” A cocky grin lifted the corner of his mouth. “Maybe not even then.”

  Julia frowned, trying not to let his words remind her of the last time a man had refused to leave.

  He must have seen it and realized what she was thinking. “That’s not what I meant.”

  “I know. It’s just . . . ” She wasn’t sure how to explain it to him.

  “It’s just that your mind feels like it’s operating on two different systems. One is just like everyone else and, at times, convinces you everything is completely normal. The other chooses moments, little things that flip a switch like a trigger on a gun, and take you back to that point in time when it all went wrong.”

  “Exactly.” She looked up at him, surprised he put her feelings into words. “I think that’s why I love you so much. Because you get it.”

  His brows lifted in shock he tried to hide. She grasped what she’d accidentally revealed, and her face paled. “I mean . . . I . . . ”

  Dylan bent his head and brushed his lips against hers, sliding his hand into her hair. She sighed, unable to stop the pleasure from enveloping her. His kiss was new and exciting, but it was also comfortable and safe. The flutters in her belly were overwhelmed by the warmth that spread through her veins. His lips moved over her jaw, pressing against the racing pulse at her throat as his hands circled her waist.

  “Dylan, I . . . ” Her brain continued to betray her as his hand slid over the curve of her breast, his thumb toying with the beaded peak through her bra and shirt.

  “Shh,” he whispered against her skin. “I do get it.” He met her eyes and brushed her bangs back with his fingertips. “I love you, too. It’s too soon and it doesn’t make sense to me either, but it doesn’t change how I feel, Julia.”

  She felt as if he’d just opened the floodgates of her soul. Tears filled her eyes, and he brushed them away and smiled tenderly. “That wasn’t supposed to make you cry, you know.”

  “I know.” She swiped at her cheeks, looking up at him through her lashes. “Dylan, what are we going to do?” The single question encompassed so many others she didn’t dare ask. Where did they go from here? Would he stay or leave eventually? What would everyone think when they found out? What would happen with Evan?

  His lips were a mere breath from hers. “We’ll figure everything out. Right now, I’m going to show you how much I love you.”

  DYLAN LAY ON his back with Julia curled in his arms, asleep. He trailed his fingers over her skin, feeling the goosebumps breaking out over her smooth flesh, and she sighed against him. Her warm breath heated his skin, making desire seep into parts he thought were satiated. Apparently his body couldn’t get enough of Julia any more than his heart could. He took a deep breath, wondering what in the world he thought he was doing. It wasn’t fair to tie her down to the likes of him.

  He’d been here less than a week and, while it had been extremely positive for his treatment so far, he wasn’t anywhere near where he needed to be to live a productive life again. He might never be there. He couldn’t burden Julia with half a man, half a life.

  It would make him no better than his father, who’d been so drunk most nights he couldn’t even function. When he wasn’t passed out, he was yelling at them, striking out at them for the misery within him. Dylan couldn’t be sure he wouldn’t turn out the same way. He might not be taking his sleeping pills any longer, but there were still the anxiety medications, and he hadn’t completely stopped the painkillers yet. Too many medications he was still taking just to function, and he might never be off of them. He could end up hating his life like his father. He might abandon what he thought he’d once wanted the way his father had. He didn’t want to hurt Julia, and he was nothing more than a walking grenade, just as destructive as the one that ended his career.

  Roscoe moved to the side of the bed and stealthily jumped up to lie stretched out alongside Dylan, nudging his elbow. “Hey, boy, you’re going to wake Julia.” He reached over and rubbed the dog’s head. “You know exactly what I’m thinking, don’t you?”

  Roscoe lifted one eyebrow and looked at him, compassion easily visible in his golden brown eyes.

  “I’m okay,” Dylan reassured the dog, wondering if he’d lost his mind completely to have a conversation with an animal.

  His therapist would probably tell him it was a good thing, that he was starting to reach out again and make connections. Relationships had been strained if not nonexistent since his return. The only person he was still connected to was his brother, and even that bond had been labored. Once outgoing and gregarious, Dylan had become withdrawn since his discharge. He found himself caring less about others, even his brother, while he retreated further into his own shell. But that had changed since arriving here.

  Roscoe and Julia had given him a purpose to his life again. He found it less desirable to hide behind a barrier than the joy he found in Julia’s smile, or working Roscoe on the obstacle course. He wanted to take the dog out, to put their bond to the test. The fact that he’d barely suffered from any flashbacks and that the sleeping pills sat unused in the guest room floored him. Any attempt doctors had made to lower them had resulted in the opposite—more flashbacks, violent outbursts, and excruciating pain from the headaches that plagued him. But here, he’d been able to forgo the pain medication, since he hadn’t had a headache yet. He hadn’t touched his sleeping pills, yet he was sleeping better than he had in years, even before the attack. There was only one explanation.

  And Dylan refused to ruin her life. He cared about her too much for that.

  He needed answers, but he wasn’t going to get them tonight. That didn’t stop his mind from spinning, playing out every scenario in his head, keeping him from sleep. Not wanting to disturb Julia, Dylan motioned to Roscoe to get off the bed and followed the dog, pulling on his sweats as he rose. The pair made their way down the hall to the kitchen in the early dawn, where Dylan found Chase seated at the table, a cup of coffee in hand while he stared out the window intently.

  Chase didn’t even bother to look his way. “Have a seat, Dylan. There’s fresh coffee in the pot if you are staying up.”

  “What are you doing up?”

  “Someone has to keep an eye out, so I planned on watching the place during the night since you and Gage will be with her most of the day anyway.”

  “What makes you think I’d be any good at protecting her?” Dylan poured himself a cup. “I’m here for a reason, you know.”

  “I’m betting you’re ex-military, PTSD.” Dylan had either misjudged Chase’s astuteness, or his ability to hide his issues.

  “Good guess,” Dylan confirmed as he took a sip of the bitter brew. Chase’s gut must be lined with cast iron to stomach this coffee. “You were military, too, right?”

  Chase raised a brow. “How’d you guess?”

  Dylan shrugged. “Certain tells . . . the haircut, but mostly the look in your eyes. We all have a hardness, like we’ve seen too much of the wrong things.” He grimaced as he took another sip of the coffee. “Not to mention only a soldier would suggest using a woman as bait for a madman. She’s not collateral damage.”

  Dylan had already made his position on this plan clear to Julia, but he wasn’t about to let this man risk her life, even if she was willing.

  “That’s not what I’m doing, Dylan.”

  “You know damn well he is going to come for her eventually, and you’re using her to make your job easier. You couldn’t find him. This way, your presence will piss him off and draw him out sooner. Do I have it about right?”

  “We both know he’s coming for her whether I’m here or not.” Chase shook his head. “At least this way, she has some protection. I like Julia. We grew up together. Unless you’re from a small town, you don’t understand. Everyone is part of a big extended family, sort of like in the military.”

  “Then why are you doing this?”

  “Why are you staying?” Chase confronted him with the same question he’d been askin
g himself for days. “Your presence here is likely what drew him out in the first place. To see her with another man must be making him crazy, well, crazier. He’s been quiet for the past two months, and he suddenly comes out of the woodwork when you show up. You know as well as I do, it’s not a coincidence.”

  Dylan didn’t need Chase to point it out. He was well aware that he’d likely been the cause, considering the timing and the fact that he was now Evan’s main target. Guilt washed over him, and he clenched his jaw, trying to stem the flow as it made his chest constrict. If anything happened to Julia, it was his fault.

  “He’s already on the warpath, Dylan. He’s out to prove to Julia she’s his, and he’s not going to stop now. Even if we leave. Leaving would only make her more vulnerable to another attack. By staying, we have a chance at catching him.” Chase spun his cup slowly between his hands. “As much as I hate this, it’s the best plan we’ve got. Because, if he gets his hands on her again, I don’t think he’ll let her live long enough to make it to the hospital again.”

  Chapter Fifteen

  JULIA WOKE THE next morning, reaching across the bed, her fingers caressing Tango’s head, sprawled out where Dylan had been lying when she fell asleep. She sat up and looked around the room, but there was no sign of him having been there other than his musky scent that still clung to her pillow. She inhaled it, feeling her insides throb heavily as her pulse immediately sped up at the thought of their lovemaking. She smiled. At least this time they’d been prepared.

  She rose and dug through her dresser for a tank top and pair of lounge pants before running her fingers through her hair and brushing her teeth quickly. She looked at her reflection. She could see the toll Evan’s reappearance had taken on her in the dark circles that framed her eyes. Had it not been for Dylan’s presence, she would look far worse since she’d be unable to sleep at all. She heard Tango jump off the bed and saw him plop his big butt in front of the door.