Heart's Desire Read online

  “Nathan.” She meant for it to be a warning but it came out sounding more like a plea.

  “What, Jess?”

  He placed his palms over the back of her hands and twined his fingers between hers. His touch made her weak, and she felt a wave of need break over her, threatening to drown her. She’d been so in love with him, and it had left a gaping hole in her, one she’d never managed to fill, not even with her work.

  Nathan walked her backward until she felt the stall behind her. With the hard wall of his body pressing against the front of her, pinning their hands between them, there was nowhere for her to escape the explosion of yearning that began in the middle of her chest, spreading outward, heating her and leaving her breathless. Every inhalation filled her with the scent of his expensive cologne, reminding her again how out of place he was. He didn’t belong here. But seeing the desire in his eyes, feeling it in every inch of him pressing up against her, made Jessie want to wrap her legs around his waist and let him take her right here in the barn.

  She couldn’t possibly feel this way about him again. She couldn’t imagine feeling any other way about him. She needed this man. Not just wanted him, needed him, and that scared the crap out of her.

  He was going to kiss her, and she was going to melt under his touch. There was no doubt in her mind. If that happened, she was a goner. Because, for her, this wasn’t about sex; this was about how Nathan made her feel, how he’d always made her feel—understood and validated and worthy. The only other time Jessie felt that way was when she worked with her horses.

  How had this man recognized the weakness in her, buried deeply, and unearthed it so easily? Panic set in. She had to protect herself. She couldn’t let Nathan in, couldn’t let him get close again. She shoved against his hands, using her body to knock him off balance, so he stepped backward, knocked against the handles of the wheelbarrow, and fell into the bucket.

  “You can finish the stalls.”

  She ran out of the barn, refusing to look back at the man trying to piece together a full sentence from where he landed, inside a wheelbarrow full of fresh horse manure.

  NATHAN PRESSED HIS hands into the wheelbarrow, trying to find his balance, and felt them sink into the foul muck his rear had sunken into. What in the hell was wrong with that woman?

  She’d wanted him to kiss her. Almost as much as he wanted to do it. He’d seen it in her eyes, in the way she leaned into him. He’d felt it in the way her pulse raced against his fingertips at her wrist and the way her sweet breath fanned against his face when he dipped his mouth toward hers. The next thing he knew, he was butt-first in a pile of horseshit, and she was running for the house like she was on fire. He rocked himself forward, nearly toppling the wheelbarrow, and stood up just as Aleta came into the barn.

  “What are you doing?” The girl’s eyes were wide with shock as she covered her mouth with a hand. Her hand slid down slowly to reveal a broad smile. “Jess?”

  Nathan flipped his hands, trying to shake the smelly mess from them, but only succeeded in getting the disgusting, wet filth on his face and shirt. “How’d you guess?”

  “What’d you do?”

  He quirked a brow in disbelief. “What makes you think I did anything?”

  “Well, Justin was the last person she pushed into a manure pile, the first time he suggested calling you. He didn’t see it coming either.” She giggled at the memory. “Trust me, you got the better deal. He ended up face first.”

  “Great.” He wiped his dirty hands down the side of his new jeans and looked around, wondering where he was going to clean up. It would serve Jess right if he used her washer since the irrational woman had caused the damage.

  “I’ll finish up in here. Go, shower and clean up before dinner because Jess will kill you if you come to the table like that.”

  “Thanks. It’s Aleta, right?”

  She slid the stall doors closed and reached for the handles of the wheelbarrow. “That’s me. June is in the house, and she can show you where to wash those and take a shower, since you can’t wash them in the cabin.” She stopped in front of him. “And, trust me, you do not want to track that into the cabin or you’ll have Bailey to worry about.”

  “I’m not going into that house with—”

  Aleta laughed, her brown eyes twinkling merrily. “Jess already left. Didn’t you hear her peel out of here in the truck? Go, but you’d better hurry up before she gets back.”

  If he was going to get his clothes cleaned and take a shower, this was his only chance because if Jess caught him in her house, she’d probably push him off the side of The Ridge.

  JESSIE HAD READ an article once about yogis who could stop their pulses just by thinking about it. Right now, she’d have given anything to be able to slow hers even slightly. She wanted to believe it was anger that fueled her racing heart, an adrenaline rush that had her blood pulsing almost painfully though her temples, but she knew better.

  It was Nathan—the way he touched her. The way the flecks of gold in his eyes glowed like she’d ignited a fire in him. He certainly made parts of her burn and throb. He had a way of looking at her that made her feel like she was his next conquest. And, Lord help her, but a part of her wanted to be conquered by him, knowing she would enjoy every second of it. She wasn’t even sure what was stopping her from saying yes.

  That wasn’t exactly true. She knew why she wasn’t giving in to him—he scared her. More precisely, the way he made her feel, the way he made her hope, scared her. Nathan Kerrington dredged up images of long nights of lovemaking and mornings of waking in his arms. He made her fantasize about lazy summers, swimming holes, fairs and rodeos, date nights, and picnics in the park. All of those things were part of a serious, lasting relationship, which was something she’d never allowed herself to long for after he’d abandoned her.

  She’d given Nathan everything she had to offer. Once he was gone, she devoted every waking moment to the ranch, throwing herself into work in order not to feel the emptiness in her chest or the hollow ache where her heat once beat. Everything she’d offered Nathan, she poured into Heart Fire and her horses. In spite of every effort, it still wasn’t enough to keep it running smoothly in the black. She wasn’t enough for either.

  Nathan’s words echoed through her mind: talented . . . kind . . . giving . . . passionate. Who was she kidding? Nathan didn’t make her tingle because he wanted to know her. She’d turned her back on every one of the cowboys her parents introduced her to because their touch left her feeling frigid. How was it that a financial analyst could light up her body like a fireworks show on the Fourth of July? From the first time he brushed her hand, passing her in the barn, she’d felt tingles in her fingers. And that first kiss at the river so long ago—even then, she’d known there was dangerous tinder burning between them that was likely to blaze out of control.

  She couldn’t be in love with Nathan again. If she were to fall for someone, it had to be someone who loved Heart Fire as much as she did, someone who would share the load to make it great again, not some city boy playing cowboy for a week before heading back to New York, leaving her and her visions of a happily-ever-after ending behind. Not someone who would make her a quickly forgotten notch on his bedpost.

  Happily-ever-after endings didn’t exist in the real world. At least not for her. Hers was a life where things weren’t always fair, parents went away and didn’t come back, men who claimed to love you left and never called.

  Damn Justin for asking him back here in the first place.

  She pressed the button on her steering column to call her brother, intent on giving him a piece of her mind. Someone was going to take the brunt of her anger. It might as well be him. Nothing happened. She slid her hand into her purse, searching for her cell phone and realized, in her hurry to get away from Nathan, she’d left it at the house.

  “Damn it!”

  She seriously considered just continuing to the store without it, but inevitably, there would be an emergency. S
he wasn’t so far from the house she couldn’t turn around. She slowed the truck onto the shoulder of the road and flipped a U-turn, heading back home. Within a few minutes, she pulled up to the house and ran in the back door, looking in the kitchen for her phone near the key rack on the back wall. Not seeing it there, she headed for the stairs, assuming it must be in her room.

  What a waste of a day! She still had to get to the store and back, and she’d just gone nearly twenty minutes out of her way for nothing.

  Jessie opened the heavy oak door to her room, and her stomach dropped to her toes, followed by her jaw. Standing in front of her, in nothing but a towel, was the very subject of her frustration, with droplets of water clinging to his chest and hair, looking only slightly guilty. The breath seemed to stop in her lungs, even as her heart pounded against her ribcage. Her entire body ignited with desire as her eyes slid down his body and she watched him tuck in the edge of the towel. Her eyes jumped back up to his face as a lopsided grin slipped over Nathan’s lips, and for the first time, she noticed a dimple in his left cheek. How had she never noticed it before? She wanted to be pissed, but that stupid indentation took anything left of her senses and scattered them, leaving her unable even to speak.

  “No knock?” His eyes glinted playfully and it reminded her of why she was angry at him in the first place. His sly comment loosed her tongue.

  Who in the hell did he think he was? “It’s my room. I’m not used to finding strange men standing nearly naked in it.”

  She spotted her phone on the nightstand beside the bed and hurried past him to grab it, thankful for a reason to look away from his perfectly chiseled body.

  How did a guy get muscles like that sitting behind a desk? Her mouth was suddenly dry, and she was finding it difficult to put together a coherent thought, knowing that a simple flick of her wrist would have him standing in front of her in all of his slick, nude glory. She clenched her hand into a tight fist to control the urge to do exactly that.

  “That’s good to know.”

  His voice was right behind her. Surprised, she straightened and spun only to smack into the solid wall of his damp chest. She jumped away from him, tripping herself and falling against the nightstand, toppling the lamp. Leaning to catch it, she lost her balance and fell into the bed on her hip.

  Nathan chuckled at her clumsy attempt to right herself and offered her a hand to pull her up. She took it and tried to stand as he stepped backward, but the heels of her boots tangled in the soft down bedding and she fell again, dragging him down on top of her. His thighs straddled her knees, pinning her to the bed, bracing himself with his arms above her shoulders.

  She could feel every inch of him pressed against her. The denim of her jeans and the soft terrycloth towel did nothing to hide the taut muscles of his body. She felt every part of her respond with shock waves of desire. She pressed her hands against his chest and instantly froze, regretting her decision as her fingers tingled where they touched him, sending pleasurable warmth coursing through her arms.

  “Where are you going, Jess? Why do you keep running away from me?”

  Why was she still running? Why was she even bothering to fight this? Why shouldn’t she have one blissful moment? Deb’s voice practically shouted in her head to seize the opportunity even as memories flooded her mind. Memories of how good they had been together, how beautiful it had been the short time it had lasted. Any argument she might have made disappeared as he brushed a stray curl from her forehead.

  “I’m not going to hurt you,” he whispered.

  “Yes, you will,” she disagreed. Her voice choked with emotion she didn’t want him to see. “You’re going to destroy me.”

  The acknowledgment did nothing to lessen the need burning within, spreading through her like an unwelcome flood, filling her with sweet agony. Without waiting for a response from him, she curled her fingers around his nape, shutting out the warnings her mind offered, and surrendered to the sensations coursing through her, electrifying her and making her feel suddenly free. She pulled him down to meet her mouth.

  The kiss wasn’t slow or gentle. It was hungry, primal, and fierce. She was tired of convincing herself she didn’t want him, that she didn’t still love him. From the moment he’d stepped foot on the ranch, she’d felt the attraction still burning within. She couldn’t deny it any longer.

  Unlike their sweet, tender kisses on The Ridge the night before, his tongue plunged into her mouth, tasting, branding, mating with hers, as he buried his hands in her hair. She couldn’t hold back, even if she wanted to. She didn’t have that kind of control when it came to Nathan. But he didn’t have to know that. She might not be able to stop herself from loving him, but she didn’t need to let him know the power he held over her.

  Jessie wrapped one leg around his hips and rolled him onto the bed so she straddled him, her hair hanging down over them like a dark curtain. Gasping for a breath, she dragged her mouth from his, her lips swollen and tingling.

  “I can’t deal with any more complications,” she warned. “This has to be a straightforward arrangement. If you can’t handle that, you should leave now.”

  He cupped his hand around her jaw, and his eyes heated to emerald fire. “Jess, I’m not going anywhere.”

  Jessie felt her heart do a flip in her chest as a piece broke off and soared skyward. She quickly yanked it back into place, scolding herself for the momentary elation. She’d heard that promise from him before. She had too many responsibilities to the ranch to fall for his happily ever after, forever and ever fairy tale. She couldn’t let herself fall into the trap of believing in him again. Even knowing that didn’t stop the longing that flooded her veins as his hands slid up the sides of her spine.

  Jessie planted a hand in the middle of his chest. “Don’t get all serious on me, Wall Street. We’re just two adults having consensual fun for as long as we both want to.”

  He blinked, his brows shooting upward on his forehead, as if her words surprised him, and for a moment, she thought she saw disappointment in his eyes. It passed before she could question it, and that damn sexy dimple appeared in his cheek again, stealing her breath and making it hard to concentrate.

  “Just what every man wants to hear.”

  She wasn’t sure if his words were serious or in jest, but when his hands moved to the edge of her shirt, teasing the skin beneath with his fingertips, fire spread across her skin. The only way she was going to maintain any sort of sanity with this man was to be the seducer instead of the seducee. She grasped the bottom of her shirt and pulled it over her head, tossing it the foot of her bed.

  “Make your decision.” She smiled down at him and reached behind her back for the clasp of her bra, her back arching toward him.

  Nathan’s eyes darkened, and she felt every muscle in his body tighten under her thighs, coiling with tension. His hands found her waist, his long fingers sliding up her ribs causing shivers of delight to trip down her spine.

  She wanted to cry out at that simple touch. Her entire body felt as if flames were engulfing her slowly, sweetly.

  “No expectations, is that what you’re saying? You’re sure that’s enough for you?”

  Without waiting for an answer, Nathan’s hands replaced hers and he unsnapped her bra, brushing aside the material to cup her breasts in his hands. His thumbs stroked the already taut peaks to aching points of agonizing pleasure. There was no way she could answer him truthfully while he was touching her, so she bit her lip, stifling the moan threatening to betray her. Jessie reached for the edge of his towel.

  Nathan laughed, grasping her hand with his, and settled it against his firm abs. “There’s no way I’m going to hurry this, Jess. I want to look at every inch of you.”

  His fingers reached for her belt buckle, unclasping it and unbuttoning her pants. His fingertips moved to her lower back, and he slowly slid them along the inside of the waistband of her pants, circling them over her hipbones and back to her zipper. Goosebumps broke out over the
skin of her back and stomach, and she felt a shiver of longing travel up her spine. Nathan unzipped her jeans with painstaking slowness, and she bowed instinctively, which only pressed her fully against his groin. She wasn’t sure when they’d switched roles and he’d become the seducer, but at some point, she’d lost all leverage over him. Needing his hands on her, she’d let him take control.

  He stood quickly, surprising her, and lifted her to her feet, kneeling before her. His big hands slid over her rear, pushing her jeans down her thighs to the floor. With her hands on his shoulders for balance and his face at her navel, he removed her boots, and she stepped out of her pants. She could feel his hot breath fanning against the skin of her abdomen, warming her flesh, and need spiraled through her hot and fierce, making her wet with desire. He slid his hand down the back of her thigh, his fingers tickling the back of her knees, and her head fell forward with a sigh of delight. He knew exactly where to touch her to make her body turn to putty. Curling his fingers around her heel, he removed her socks while he pressed his lips to the skin at her waist.

  Her body ignited, every inch of her feverish, flames of desire licking at her, melting her resolve to keep her heart distant from him, locked tightly away. Nathan’s arms curled around her hips, his hands moving up the back of her thighs to cup her butt. Gripping the edge of her underwear, his lips found the curve of her belly and his eyes looked up at her, meeting her gaze between her breasts.

  “Jess, you’re beautiful.” His lips moved against her skin, but his eyes locked on hers, as if speaking to her soul. “Every curve, every inch.”

  She didn’t want to believe him. She was too curvy, her rear too big. She’d heard enough snide comments growing up. Unlike her sister and cousin, she’d inherited her mother’s short legs and generous endowments. But when Nathan said it, when his eyes shone hot and needy as he looked at her, she didn’t doubt his words. She felt beautiful, feminine, and desirable.